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anyone have kids 9 years apart??

we have a (just turned) 9 year old son (adopted). and we are pregnant with our first child. due ANY day now. we try to include the older child in everything and make him feel included and everything. i am wondering how this transition will be? for him, and for us? he has siblings and i am afraid he thinks we will give him away or something when the baby comes.... we WOULD never of course. but he thinks that way bc of his past with his mom... he does go to counseling. we are really trying to make him feel comfortable about the baby... half the time though - i feel like i cant even talk about the baby bc i dont want to hurt his feelings - but it is my first experience with birth etc and i am excited (its a big deal)! ..... any advice anyone similiar situation?? or with the age difference in kids??

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:24 AM on Mar. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (17)
  • well my older two are 13 and 10 years older than our youngest. They were included in the whole pregnancy and even helped decorate her room and name her. For us no problem after they got over the initial shock. lol.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:42 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I have a HUGE age diference with my siblings. 3 are only a couple years apart and were born very close.
    The my sister is 7 years younger, then a brother 14 years younger, then another brother who is 16 years younger, then another that is 17 years younger, Then twin girls who are 23 years younger.
    I love them all and we got along for the most part great. In honesty I fought more with the ones closer to my age than I did with the younger ones. The most I did to my sister who is 7 years younger was lock her in a closet because she stole the phone from me when I was 16 LOL.

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 7:43 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • My son and my step daughter were both 8 when our little one was born. When we told them about the baby and they were really excited! I think it comes down to YOUR attitude about the whole thing. When you make it sound exciting that he will be a big brother soon he might look forward to having a baby in the house, too. My step daughter said "We will have another member in our family. One more to love and one more to love us back." Talk to him about it and listen to his concerns, if there are any. Kids can feel when you are uncomfortable with the situation and so he starts feeling the same way.

    Answer by AtillaTheHun at 7:54 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • My son is 8 years old and he and I were very close because it was just us for years, He loves his little brother. We have had a couple minor jealousy issues, but everything is wonderful around here.

    Answer by kitten_shuga at 8:05 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Mine is 9 years 9 year old son will be turning 10 in 3 weeks and our daughter just turned 1 year old. My son was thrilled with finally getting a sibling of his own, he has been very helpful and I havent noticed any jealousy issues.He is a great big brother,he brags about his baby sister to his friends and teachers at school and has even asked to take pictures in of her,lol. She loves her big brother and loves following him around and enjoys his attention. He has said a few times he wishes she was closer to his age so they could play basketball together,lol. But all in has worked out well. :)

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 8:35 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I don't, but my husband and his twin sister are 10 years older than their brother. There didn't seem to be any problems. They were almost like second parent figures, really.

    Answer by homejobsformom at 8:55 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • You have to constantly resassure him that he is there to stay and he is your child even if he did not come to you like this baby did. Tell him he grew in your heart instead of your tummy and that is something special only he has.( My stepdaughter tells me all the time that she wants a brother and that he will grow in my tummy and that I love her the same because she grew in my heart.) Tell him that this baby is one more person that will always love him and how great it is going to be to be a big brother. Involve him in the process. Have him pick out a stuffed animal for the baby so that baby knows how much big brother loves him/her and is going to watch out for him. And pick out something for him, give it to him on birth day and tell him it is from his new sibling, he/she wants him to know how much he is loved.

    Answer by SuzanneL09 at 8:58 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I'm 8.5 years older than my little brother. He was born on my "half birthday" which made me really excited. We have a sister between us, but he and I spend much more time together and have more in common. DH's youngest sister is 10 years younger and they are quite close as well.

    Does your older son want to be involved? Have you told him about the weekly updates-- Baby Center does those weekly "your baby is the size of a cucumber" farmer's market growth chart. My friend's little boy loves this produce thing-- he wants to go to the store and buy the fruit or veggie so he can experience the baby.

    Has he been invited to a check up with you? Has he seen an ultrasound? If he feels like he's really part of this, like big brother responsibilities are really fun stuff, then he'll get more into it than you. Kids are funny and will shock you every time.

    Answer by ecodani at 9:11 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • My boys were 9 and 7 when the last one was born. My older boys liked being 'helpers'- they liked going and getting diapers, or picking out what clothes the baby should wear that day (they were given a choice of 2-3 outfits to pick from), they liked talking to him and reading to him. The older one was good at sitting and holding baby brother, and he even fed him a few bottles. Sometimes if baby was very fussy big brother could get him to calm down quicker.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • my kids are 12yrs apart and my dd cried when we told her we were having a baby, she was so happy. My youngest is now two and they are so in love with eachother. I love it. Just include your son in the process and he'll appreciate it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

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