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Need tips on how to be a good stepmom

we have full custody of DH 10yr old and shes getting more and more disrespectful towards me. Need tips on how to handle it.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Mar. 11, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • Does her mother still have visitation with her? Does she call you "mom" or does she call you by your name? I would tell her that you are not trying to take her mother's place unless she wants you to. Tell her that you love her and respect her and care for her just like you had her yourself. Make yourself available for her to talk to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • always remember that she did not choose her parents, or stepparents or living arrangements. it is hard to live a life that you have no control of.

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 5:09 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Be patient, loveing, respectful and she might come around don't let her walk all over you but let her know you want her in your life don't push her away this is what I wish my step mom did instead she made my dad stop seeing me because I was difficult I still feel down about this and I am 24.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • She still sees her bio mom everyother weekend....all summer vacation...spring break and winter break. She was calling me mom but said i was her mom in front of her real mom didnt want to get in trouble with her so told real mom i make her call me mom (which i never have she called mom first and i was very uncomfortable with that) but we talked about and i said i think it would be best if she just calls me by my name instead. I have explained i am not trying to take the place of her mother and that her mother loves her very much.
    Im trying hard to be patient but its getting harder.

    Answer by tomsjennabean at 11:52 AM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • how bad is it? could be hormones- maybe she's not acting out as much as feeling comfortable enough to where you don't get the 'guest' behavior anymore.

    I guess just make it clear to her what is acceptable and what isn't, maybe ask her if she's upset about something-

    it's probably not even something personal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Being a stepparent is one of the hardest things I've ever done, especially with my 12 yr old SD. The only thing I can say is try to be patient and understanding and treat them as you would your own. If I have to discipline my SD I don't do anything different than I would with my own daughter. I also make sure to give her praise, encouragement, etc. and to let her know that I love her and I'm there for her. It's been an uphill battle for me b/c she's really close to her Mom and never wanted her Dad to get remarried but she's slowly coming around and I'm hoping for the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Thanks Ladies....
    I have been trying so hard to be patient. I have a very hard time of treating her like my own because shes not and i really cant because 1) im not really aloud to do the discipline i was but her dad never followed through so its come down to 10min timeouts when hes not home. 2) All she does is lie to me everyday 3) shes very disrespectful towards me (which is now getting worse) Some of her behavior is starting to rub off on my 3yr old (eye rolling, loud sighs, crying fits)

    I had to bit*h this weekend cause no except me and my 3yr old cleans up so DH tells SD to clean up (which she did a great job) but i have a reward system for DD she picks a toy out of her box every Sunday since she helps me all week. But DH wanted to take SD out to dinner at this expensive restaurant for cleaning up 1 room 1 day in almost 2months. I told him thats not fair to DD she helps me all the time.

    Answer by tomsjennabean at 8:48 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

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