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Should I say anything?

At a get together last weekend my cousin had her new baby ( 6 weeks) there and I picked her up and she was rooting like crazy so I told her DH their little one was hungry and he said they wait til she cries to feed her. So, I said "oh" and then she cried maybe 5 minutes later after rooting wildly at me and sucking her hands a lot. Then they got out a bottle and I watched my cousin struggle to get her LO to take the bottle and she said she hates them but she does it when they are out. Her LO sputtered and choked at the bottle and screamed through the whole thing. So, I know you are supposed to feed babies at first sign of hunger AND that she needs different bottles.. but I just kept my mouth shut. Now I'm gonna see them Sunday and I think I should say something but I'm nervous.. I'm a veteran nursing mom if that makes a difference but I'm a lot younger than my cousin so I feel weird advising her unasked.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Mar. 11, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (11)
  • I wouldn't say anything. She will just become even more angry and snippy with you. Everyone learns at their own pace and they don't want to hear they aren't parenting right. Nobody does! Just bite your tongue and let her mother how she feels fit, as hard as it may be! Good luck

    Answer by ali_1107 at 7:33 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I agree with the pp

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I would start a conversation about the baby and ask how the bottle feeding is going. Try to lead her into asking you questions. If she doesn't get the hint just offer to give advice is she would like. Sometimes people don't want to ask, but feel comfortable when you offer. Most moms I know are always asking each other for advice. :)

    Answer by love2snorkel70 at 7:45 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • i would say something. just say it in the nicest way possible, and if they cant take it that way, then too bad for them, at least you tried to help the poor little baby.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 7:47 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • You might be able to word it in such a way that it does not seem like you are accusing her. One of my son's had the HARDEST time latching on when he was very hungry (I nursed). He was SO impatient and would get so frustrated and just start crying and screaming. It was awful when I waited too long to feed him because of circumstances out of my control. I always tried to get him fed at the first signs of hunger. You might just ask if she has tried giving the bottle at the first sign of hunger, or even before he shows he is hungry. He may latch on to it better. Also ask if she is interested in trying different nipples because you would love to buy her some if she thought that is worth a try!

    Answer by micheledo at 7:48 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Bite your tongue. No mother wants to hear they are doing it wrong, & unless they ask for help you are just stepping into a warzone. I understand you are concerned for the child, but technically it's not like she's abusing it or anything, she just has different parently styles than your own. They may not be "right" but they aren't technically "wrong" either.

    Answer by WannabeMommy87 at 8:11 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • *parenting (not parently)

    Answer by WannabeMommy87 at 8:13 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • honey, I hear you!
    if it was just a little thing, then I would probably let it slide, but this is a kid that isn't being fed when they need to- the picture is much bigger than offending mommy- this isn't about her.
    I'd ask 'Can I make a suggestion'? then speak to the mom or dad in private.

    Don't be surprised if they do feel threatened by it later, but sometimes it's worth speaking up, and I think this is one of those times.
    I've had the same situations- My SIL would come right out and ask me 'what should I do' - then she'd take it out on me later claiming I was trying to parent her kid- think she get heck from others about it at how she should decide herself.

    It takes a villiage, but sometimes members of the villiage just need to know how to handle it-
    and sometimes no matter what, you can't win and you'll still hear about it.
    But I still think that a child is worth risking it- we're the adults, we can handle it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I'd say something. Crying is a late sign of hunger. A lot of people don't realize that a baby is ravenous by then and then theyget upset and then they eat to fast then they get gas and spit up... I'd do it for the baby.

    Answer by amileegirl at 9:51 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I may something to her possibly, like "when my kids were younger we had them on a schedule where they ate ever 3.5 hours..." As for the needing different bottles, maybe you could pick up some differerent ones and say you've heard a lot of good things about them or something of the sort? I'd say something because I wouldn't want to see a miserable baby, and a miserable baby makes a miserable mommy. Good luck!

    Answer by Amanda704 at 10:57 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

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