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How do I get over being so insecure?

I am very insecure for some reason and it sucks. Anytime my husband and I go somewhere, I am so afraid he is going to find some pretty girl and leave me, or he will make me feel like an idiot by staring at every girl that walks by. I don't know whether I should just ignore it and pretend like it doesn't bother me. I don't even know if it should bother me. All I know is it makes me crazy. I want to be able to be confident. Is it normal that he looks at other girls so much? Is that what makes me so insecure? I know all these questions can't be answered, but does anyone have any suggestions about how I can overcome this? Anything will help. We are going to a concert where most girls dress like skanks and I want to have a good time. Hope I don't sound completely stupid.

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Asked by bjsgrl at 11:31 AM on Mar. 12, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • I can kind of relate. As a younger woman, I had a serious bf who used to cheat all the time. I was always upset when we'd go in public and I"d clearly see him check out other women. I'd pick fights w/ him over it and our relationship just deteriorated. As I got older and dumped his ass, I realized that his cheating had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. He was a sex-addict and half the time was cheating with women who were hideous cows. With my DH now, I often find myself getting pissed if he mentions that someone is pretty or a pretty girl talks to him. But then I think, you know what I'm a pretty good catch and I too, check out other men and women. It doesn't mean I want to jump in bed with them. Have respect for yourself and you will see that attitude goes a long way. Even if it's just pretend at first, you need to be more confident. Plus, confidence always makes women and men more attractive.

    Answer by danielp at 11:34 AM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Well the thing is, is that your insecurities are YOUR problem, meaning YOU need to fix them. Hub can't fix them for you and if he's a good man and treats you well and loves you, then it's all on you. Then you have to figure out what the deal is and how to fix it. If your hub is a leech about looking at other women then you need to adress that behavior. My hub checks out other women, but it's not an issue. We are married NOT dead. I sure as hell appreciate eye candy. But it's not an issue in our 18 year marriage because we have no insecurities with one another. We both know that neither one of us could do better, and we love eachother with everything we have.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:35 AM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • First off he's WITH YOU. He's building a life with you so he's obviously secure in your relationship. Let that be your foundation. If he wanted them he'd be out with them not you. I would tell him that it bothers me and that it's rude when he does that in front of you and to stop it. It took me a long time to not be so insecure with SO. He not only looks (but not when he's with me) but we agreed to an open relationship so I know he sees other women. It took years for me to realize he comes back to me bc of me. The silly man actually likes me and likes being with me. That's what helped me calm down. I'm confident in who I am as a person and that is what attracts men. Remind yourself how great you are and even list in what ways. That will help.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:38 AM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • LOL Admckenzie, I've often said that my hub deserves a Medal of Honnor for putting up with me for the last 18 years lol. Silly man

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:39 AM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • It may be you, it may be him, it may be both. If you are insecure then you need to work on your self esteem. This may involve counseling. If it's him it means you aren't being paranoid or insecure, you have a reason for feeling the way you do. Talk to him and tell him it bothers you. If he cares more about you than looking at other women then he will stop. If he doesn't or can't then he may need to go to counseling. It may be both of you have a problem and need to both go to counseling. You are insecure and he is a jerk and making it worse.

    If it is just you are a little insecure you may be able to get over it on your own or with the help of friends or family. It sound like it is more and someone needs counseling.

    Try having a friend help you with your hair and makeup and clothes so you feel more confident. Maybe have a makeover.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:45 AM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I know how you feel - I get that way with my SO. He doesn't even look at other women, he says it is a disrespectful thing to do. Deep down I know %100 that I have nothing to worry about, but I still do. I figured out that it was because I had low self-confidence. I was always worried he would find someone "better" once I raised my confidence I started realizing that he does have something better, me, and that I am who he wants to be with or he wouldn't be here...

    Answer by allfiller08 at 12:01 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I can be the same way. I am in therapy now. God, I love my husband and he is so dam faithful and loyal. I have no reason to question him. I hope to get over it too so that I can be the wife he deserves.

    Answer by bjane01 at 1:12 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • You know what? I admire your courage so much for posting this. It is a hard thing to admit too. How old are you? I honestly think that when we are younger, our confidence is just not fully developed yet. I think it is disrespectful for your dh to be checkin out other girls right in front of you, and I would talk to him about it. That has nothing to do with your confidence. It's about respect. There is a lot to this though and there is a difference between looking and checking out. We humans admire beauty. It's natural. Doesn't mean anything.
    When you go out to that concert, be that girl that all the guys check out. Look really pretty, and pretend you are the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world. Really get into that. Those girls that look and dress slutty, guys might look, but they are not the kind of girls a man would want to raise a family with. Men don't respect those women at all.
    I hope this helps, you can pm me

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 3:53 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Mine used to do it because he knew it hurt me what you need to do is sit down and write a journal this will help you with your feelings. I would also work on some activity that helps you like something you enjoy build yourself up and pick a sport or have something just for you. I know it was hard for me as well but the second I started to build up my own self esteem it helped with that. I hope this helps and you can pm me if you need to talk my name is PK.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:23 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I am 25 Jackie

    Answer by bjsgrl at 7:33 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

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