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homeless brother what should I do

My brother 38 yrs old has been sleeping on my sofa since September and on the weekends he has his son He has a job

1 He doesn't give us any money

2 He has no car so I have to drive him to work every morning and pick up at night

3 My youngest daughter who is 4 has trouble with change and she goes to bed at 7:00 everynight but since I have to pick him up at 5:30 at night my kids don't finish supper till 7:00 so it is scewing up my 3 daughters schedule

4 my husband works 2 jobs so he is never home so that I can be a stay at home mom and my brother is not helping out with anything no food money no gas money nothing

What should I do. Everytime I try to talk to him about any of this he gets all pissy and defensive He pays no bills of his own so I don't understand what he is spending his money on and then he want my husband and I or my 13 yr old dd to watch his son so he can go out with his gf

Answer Question
 
lee74

Asked by lee74 at 2:17 PM on Mar. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I had a VERY similar situation to this about a year ago with my brother in law. We finally had to tell him to start giving us money every week when he got paid, and we put it aside, and after about 2 months we gave it back to him in one lump sum and told him her had 2 weeks to find a place and move out. I stopped taking him places too, he took the bus to and from work. Tell him no more babysitting. My bil started this crap of if you loved and cared for me you would still help me, and we plainly told him, that we cared enough for him to make him help himself. Nothing in life is free, he needs to get out on his own. My bil wwas with us for 6 months. And was gone about a month after we did all that.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 2:21 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Tell him to move in with his gf. You have to put the best interest of your kids first..If he works but still has no money then he may be doing drugs.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I agree 100% with AK aries. Her solution sounds practical without being mean. If he doesn't like it he can find somewhere else to be.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I think it is time for you and hubby to sit brother down and tell him that things are going to change. Tell him you are not running a free hotel with maid service, food, taxi and babysitting services-- the free ride is over and if he is to stay on he will need to start paying his own way. Tell him that he has 2 choices he can #1- start paying his share, or #2 he can get out.
    If he does decide to stay and pay then make a set amount that he has to pay each week/paycheck and if he fails to pay- he is out.
    good luck
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:21 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I think writing up an agreement to get brother to pay his way and get up on his foot is the only option. I know it's cruel what I'm about to say, but your brother is a grown 38 year old man, capable of taking care of himself. TO me he sounds like a freeloader looking for a free ride and if you continue to allow him to be dependent on you for everything, eventually it will get old and boring and you'll snap...so to release the stresses, have your brother sign and agreement, to pay a certain amount of rent every day and to get up and catch the bus to and from work because he's capable of doing that. If he refuses let him know that he has 30 days to move...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:09 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I think you just described my house right now! My SO's brother (he's 22) has been living with us for almost a year, and his daughter (who is 16 months old) comes over to our house everyother weekend. He sleeps on our couch, eats our food, doesn't pay anything, and just recently after almost a year got a job that is 2-3 days a week. My SO and I have already discussed that the only way to get him to leave is call the cops on him, sounds to me like you'd have to do the same. My SO brother also gets really pissy when you meantion him leaving. I'm getting ready to tell his brother to leave once we get married May 1st, because really he isn't doing anything to help himself. And from the sounds of it neither is your brother. You can only help someone has much as they truly want it, but a time comes to cut them off and tell them to grow up. Hope you are able to work things out! I know it can be stressful!
    Mom_of_2_boyz87

    Answer by Mom_of_2_boyz87 at 4:43 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Thank you every one for all the great advice. Every time I bitch to my husband all he can say is do what you want but remember he's family. My husband has more patience with him then I do because he's not home and he doesn't have to take care of everything with the house and kids and then take care of my brothers needs. So he' s driving me nuts.
    lee74

    Answer by lee74 at 4:52 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • i had a situation like this with my stepson (22 years old). he felt that as a musician he should be able to have no job or responsibilities. He also got pissy and defensive and my husband was no help at all. after my preemie came home and he still didn't leave for another year, I finally just told them both that he had to go, that we had done a lot for him and if he could not see that it was his problem, not mine. He is now freeloading ,on someone else's sofa, and for myself, I feel angry that I let myself be taken advantage of for as long as I did.

    I think you have to just decide not to listen to his pissyness, and make a decision (maybe role-playing and rehearsing with your husband beforehand) that you will stick to your guns and just power through his anger till he gets out the door. he's taking advantage and you're letting him. out he goes.
    madfoot

    Answer by madfoot at 5:09 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • make a renting contract with him, have him pay rent and food, etc... if he doesnt want to do that, he's welcome to leave your house.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 6:38 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Time for a family meeting. Boundaries should have been set down in Sept but it's never too late to do it. He's had time to get on his feet. Set a timeline for him to get out. He can get govt housing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:51 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

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