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it's in the past-

I've got relatives who have a lot of 'rules'. They don't really tell you what they are, but if you break one you get nasty emails to say the least. anything from what you write on myspace (not about them) to what you bring to their house for dinner.
they say that they think it's best to get things 'out in the open.'
but if you actually try to discuss hurt feelings- forget it.
the main reason why I've even brought stuff up at all was because I wanted to try and avoid future conflict.
You bring it up right away, they can't talk right now, they'll be busy for a few weeks, they keep putting it off.
so you contact them again- no answer again.
then eventually they tell you that they refuse to discuss it because "it was so long ago" or "all in the past"- yet the past just keeps repeating itself!

anyone else run into this and how do you deal with it. Cutting them out entirely is not a option-


Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Mar. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Families are the hardest thing sometimes!!! I would just roll with the punches. You will not be accountable for their behaviour, but you will be accountable for your own. Just keep forgiving and treating them with love and kindness.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:38 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Then I guess since you can't cut them out, your just gonna have to deal or keep doing whatever it is that they say you did wrong. The way I see it no matter what you do its not gonna be could enough... so do whatever the hell you want. fuck em!


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:14 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • good not could

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:14 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • OP-yeah, pretty much decided to just go with the flow from now on.
    do my best to be a good person, and if I still upset someone, they'll get over it :)
    mostly it's the wife that sends me the emails, conveniently stating that her husband "doesn't want to discuss the matter- but agrees with her" not from what he's told me in the past-
    So if I get those emails I forward them to my husband and these days he just talks to her husband- who is his bio relative.
    I figure darned if you do and darned if you don't anymore- so I just do my best.

    thanks- would love to hear more opinions ladies :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • So you want to talk about the past and they do not?

    Answer by louise2 at 7:41 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • OP- to lousie2 - not exactly- a issue comes up, they get mad and email me wanting me to do or not do things that aren't really possible for several reasons.
    Since I know it's going to come up again, I'd like to speak to them about it to see what can be worked out for next time. But they seem to think that their emails are all that is needed then I'm left hanging.
    so they say that they'll talk, but just keep avoiding it long enough to be able to say "it was so long ago" at least in their eyes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • OP- very much a case of 'since I say it's reasonable, then it must be' or 'we'll do what we want and you need to take it' kind of people. Which I dont much at all anymore.
    often the emails tell me 'I spoke to people and they agree with me' no one is going to tell this woman the truth- the same people talk to me and claim they see my point - who knows what to do sometimes-

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Mar. 12, 2010