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funaral/wake for my x mil....dh dosent understand....and i dont have much time to get him to understand.

so my x mil is gonna be passing away and my x called me and said he wanted me and dd to go to the funaral also my x brother in laws and my x sister in law want me and dd to go. me and my x are still good friends and was still close to all my inlaws. trouble is dh dosent want me to go ( i think he fears my x will try something ) which is NOT happening and never would. its a few hours to get there and most likely would spend the night with everyone in the family including dd. so my dh is not helping me work anything out i said he could drive us and go hang out at a pool hall but he said no. what am i supose to do? i dont want to upset dh but there still consided my family and dh knows that. we would all be back first thing in the am. ( arrangments have already been made so when it happens its ready.. given like 2 days tops. ) and my x fil is a sweetman what am i to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Mar. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • have you given your husband any reasons to doubt your fidelity? because the way he is acting is childish at best and completely none understanding. Also is your DD you x DD too? If not... then I can see were you husband is coming from.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:57 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Well...what would you want your husband to do if the shoe was on the other foot? His x's mom dies and she wants him to go to the funeral but you can't go...
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 7:57 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • your going for your dd as much, if not more tha you are going for yourself. tell him you are going. it is her family, and your friend. he is more than welcome to go, he could even go to the funeral with you so that he can see nothing is going on (unless there he might start a fight or something). Or he can stay at the hotel, pool hall, etc. if he doesnt want to go, ok. he can stay home. end of discussion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Is this former mother in law grandparent to your child? If so., DH gets NO say and is a clod for telling you that you cannot go.

    Without that connection...tell him you are ALL going out of respect and you would do the exact same thing for HIM.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:00 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • not one question about fidelity...im devoted to dh..as for dd she is mine and xes she is 12. and its her grammy and all her uncles and aunts. we all get along even after all these years and i would like to pay my respects when it comes time. but like i said i would never let anything happen and i even think my xes wife of 2 yrs will be there even if she dosent like most of the family. im at a loss i dont know what to do or say...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • i told dh he could go and i talked to my x inlaws and they were fine with it. they would like to finally meet him. he said he would feel weird if he went. i said well what do u want me to do??? he said dont go. i said i wanted to. and that it was my dds grammy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • my husband didn't want me to go to my HS reunion, but a funeral? that floors me-
    Usually I'd say learn towards what works for your marriage, but I think he's being unreasonable.
    you've given him the option to go and he said no.
    I'd go anyway, make sure that the husband had info on where you would be and how to contact you. Like put it on the fridge if you need to.
    "its a few hours to get there and most likely would spend the night with everyone in the family including dd. " does this mean that you would be sleeping under the same roof as your x-husband? that I wouldn't do for several reasons. Mainly so the husband doesn't have reason to think that something 'may have happened.'
    I hope you are able to work it out-
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Take your husband to the funeral with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Why can't you just drive yourself and your daughter there? I wouldn't lean on him to drive me there - if I wanted to go I'd go myself or ask of one of the ex-ILs could come pick me up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • You need to go. If you don't this will be something that you will regret for a long time. You were and are very close with them. You and your DD need to say goodbye. It is sad that your DH is refusing to support you in this situation, and you need to know the straight truth. What is his problem? If this were another friend or family member, would he have a problem? This is your DD's grandmother and if for no other reason you need to go to her funeral. If he still refuses to go, then you need to find a way on your own. I hope your DH changes his mind. He is being stubborn and jealous at the wrong time. Imagine how your DD will feel later on if she doesn't get this chance? Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:05 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

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