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What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I had emergancy surgery last night. My mirena was embedded in my uterus and was making a hole out. I have a 5 month old DD. My fiance wasn't going to come be with me at the hospital and he certainly wasn't going to stay with the baby (we're living with my mom for a couple weeks). Me and my mom made him come up 30 minutes before I went into the OR (I was there for hours) and he told me "don't worry, I'll take care of you and the baby while you are recovering". They did a hysteroscopy, I was put under and given 2 different pain meds in recovery and have been on vicodin ever since.
Ever since I've been home, I've been doing everything myself while my fiance has been outside hanging out. I know I didn't have a serious surgery, I was not cut open but I am in quite a lot of pain. I am completely out of it, I keep trying to feed my DD because I can't remember when I fed her last and I fear picking her up because I am so dizzy. CONT

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Marix3

Asked by Marix3 at 10:56 PM on Mar. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,755 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • If it wasn't for my mom, I would have lost my mind. She keeps tabs on everything, takes her if I am too overwhelmed and actually saved my DD from falling off the couch because I had to throw up and put her down in such a hurry. I feel like a terrible mom right now because I am slipping up and I feel like my fiance doesn't give a damn about me or our DD. Should I feel that way? I don't want to come off as a bitch but if I say ANYTHING, he gets SO mad. The only thing I can give him credit for is running errands and cleaning the house. What would you do or say in my situation? I don't want to rely on my mom so much because she recently had a stroke (it only disoriented her somewhat) and I moved in with her to help her with her 2 year old. I don't know what to do right now, I NEED help and if I say anything I know he will get so upset and leave. Please don't bash me in anyway, I really don't need that right now.
    Marix3

    Answer by Marix3 at 10:57 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I think your fiance is being a giant dick. Sorry for the language but seriously! Whether or not you had "serious" surgery...you still had surgery! And you should not be expected to be doing everything by yourself...nor should your mother be expected to take care of everything else when you have a perfectly capable fiance right there! I know you aren't going to want to here this but peoples' true selves come out in situations like this. And from the way it sounds...his TRUE self, is a very selfish, unsympathetic, immature, jerk! I know for a fact my fiance would NEVER behave that way if I had just had surgery. He would be by my side helping me with everything! Even if I just have a headache, he takes our son for awhile. And the fact that you can't even mention how you are feeling to him without him getting super angry, is another red flag. You have some major thinking to do in my opinion. Good luck!
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:03 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Honestly, I would reconsider developing a legal arrangement with this person. I would call off the marriage. He is not doing his part as partner. Sickness is the hardest thing couples have to deal with. Until science figures out immortality without illness, we will all experience illness in every relationship. You are going through something really nasty. I hate it for you.

    I know you don't feel well and you want encouragement. Something positive would probably do better for your mental state right now. Pain meds and post-op can really impact your emotions. I just don't see anything positive about this man.

    Your mom however sounds wonderful. She is caring for you like family is supposed to. It sounds like you have a great family that knows how to care for one another (you and your mom seeing each other through illness).

    Blessings of health!
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 11:04 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I am so sorry that that happened to you, it sounds really scary and painful !

    I know most answers you get will just be simply--get rid of him -- and honestly ...you should, I am telling you this because I was and still am in your position.... my husband is that way promises to help ( I had to have emergency c-section, and then wound up having to go back into the hospital with severe pnemonia, I stopped breathing and almost died) in the hospital he promised to take care of me and the kids.... the day I came home, he handed me the baby and said he was too tired... everyday is like that, and no matter what i do or say, he yells, complains or gets mad.... Please take the chance and leave him before you get married, especially if you have a way out ( money, or able to stay with mom) . Please dont make the mistake I did, and end up crying yourself to sleep at night bcause of how bad your marriage is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Wow. You are afraid of his anger so you're asking us. That IS a problem, regardless of this current crappy situation. What do you have if you aren't able to sit down and tell him how you feel because you walk on eggshells around him. I would sit him down and risk losing him. Tell him how you feel, tell him just what you told us and quit being afraid. You cannot live a life and raise a child like this so get him OVER it now so he learns how to deal with his anger.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:10 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • I agree 100% WITH ash 9724 above. This is the acting out stage of a totally obsessed control freak, he isn't using this for anything but pure control and selfish ambition.!! What a little child, I'm Sorry!! I hope that something comforting is seriously on your side. I am surprised he's not taking house and home with the attitude on top it. Sorry , I just had to get that off my chest. Ok. Now ..... for the other half of this, you are on pills, you will be helpless, did you think that it would help or is it possible to get some other type of extra helping out from an agency, or home health, or perhaps put an ad in for an attendant. YOU DID TOO HAVE MAJOR Surgery.. NO you weren't cut??? How did the mirena get out of your uterus. Now, a hysteroscopy is not invasive but intrauterine, correct??? And if so it's painful because it's inside the uterus, not just the vagina, that meant that the uterus was manipulated and Pr
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 11:11 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • and the uterus was stretched with a forceps and tongs, or something, that IS PAINFUL SWEETHEART!!!!!!!
    I hope you can get someone with some home health or RN experience, whether it be a friend or a cousin, aunt or a licensed RN from a referral center with your insurance. Don't tell him, just let her come, don't mention you got a ONCE OVER ON HIM< he sounds like he'll play on anything. I am so very angry now too, for you and your place that he's putting you in. It's a no win situation on his part but you actually have the ONE UP if you will do what I suggest and get some help or even have a call to a WOMEN's CENTER or SHELTER FOR WOMEN, and explain that he isn't being there for you. IF you feel this is too much suggesting, than that's ok and you are not being bashed. I just want him to stay away from you on pills now, just let your mom be there, and let one of us or a call to a hotline or your mom have someplace in thiPr
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 11:16 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • and yet you are online, imagine that
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Yeah it's called laying on a couch with a labtop. Imagine that.
    Marix3

    Answer by Marix3 at 11:42 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • laptop*
    Marix3

    Answer by Marix3 at 11:42 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

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