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My husband works an provides a good life for us and my daughter. I am a sahm. Whenever we argue he brings up the fact that he makes the money it's his money. I hate when he does this and idk what to do. If I get a job I will basically be working to put my daughter in day care. Which is pointless in my opinion. He acts like I do nothing yet our house is clean, our daughter is taken care of, and he has dinner on the table when he get's home. What do I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Mar. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Tell him how you feel about it when you are NOT arguing.

    If that doesn't work... Don't cook or clean for a while...then he'll figure out real quick what you do all day. This is not the most mature way of handling it (hence the previous suggestion first) but it WILL get a point across.

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 2:15 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Yes, tell him in a calm moment or write a letter starting "I hope you will put our arguments aside and read this with an open heart and mind, because I need you to understand how I feel." Look at daycare costs in your area and the costs of minimum wage jobs available and then show him what the hard facts reveal. Try offering to switch places for a week, even without all the responsibilities of your toddler, see if he can keep up with all the duties of the household or do what pp said. I agree with her though that before doing either of those things you should try to communicate how you feel gently. Someone once said on one of these comments that she did this with her husband and just experiencing having to ask for the money for everything he needed and be second-guessed was enough to make him change his ways. Also look up what the costs would be for someone to do what you do professionally- full-time cook, maid, and nanny.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:14 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Have him do everything you do for one week and then lets see if he will be complaining

    Answer by ilybaby8609 at 4:27 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • I agree with the other posters. I had this problem with DH. Here's what I did:
    First I looked up the price of the "services" i provide. Day care, Cleaning, Cooking, Laundry, Assistant, Personal Nurse(for when men get sick and whiny as heck!) and so on.I complied the list with prices included. (by the way for the weekly "services" I provide my check should be well over 5 grand) :I gave it to him. I told him if he's gonna talk to me like i'm an employee then I need to be paid for the "services" I provide & then that way I can have MY own money.I also left for a week. It was his week off from work and I went to my moms. It took him 3 days of constant laundry, cooking, stepping on ninja turtles & so on before he realized that what I do is JUST as IMPORTANT and the job he does and he was takingit for granted. He has since started using "us", "we" and all that jazz. I wish you the best of luck and hope your dh gets it 2gether

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • go on strike - no dinner on the table messy house, his laundry not done - he should get the point

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 6:54 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • I've heard that too so I waited until we were both calm and in a good mood then told him how I feel. Not that I suggest this but I did say I could stop everything I do and he could do it when he got home after work. Then I said I would get a job at night so daycare would not be a problem, I would have my own money, we'd never see each other and for him to take a guess what would happen next. It got somewhat better, he still has moments of male arrogance, but I'm in school now and will, knock on wood, be making my own money soon. I'm intrested to see how that will go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Sounds like to me you have let him run you over for a little while now cause Im a stay at home mom taking care of our 3 yr old while my husband makes all the money and he wouldnt dare say anything like that to me. Matter of fact he just called me and asked me what Im doing cause he had to work today and I read him your post and he said thats ridiculouse what your husband brings up to you. I say you stop cooking, cleaning having sex with him what ever it takes to get him to open his eyes of course you still need to care of your daughter lol. Im a tough cookie so hes glad he doesnt have me as a wife lol. GL sweetie and I know how hard you work and how much you try to please your husband cause Im the same way. We love them and want to have a meal on the table everyday they get home from work and ask them how there day was but in return we deserve the same respect.

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 9:38 AM on Mar. 13, 2010

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