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Is the involvement the same?

I'm planning getting married for a second time. It's his second time around too. My fiance came from a first marriage where his wife was his life. When she asked for a divorce(for selfish reasons), it devestated him and he took a year to pull out of depression. I met him following that depression, and we have been together for 3 years. Approaching our marriage this summer, I'm mulling over some lingering questions in my head that I'm wondering are enough to take serious or not. I know, because he told me stories, how deeply involved he was with his first wife, and how much thought he took into getting to know everything about her- her likes, dislikes, favorite places, foods, etc. I have noticed along our dating path that he "forgets" things I've told him about me- my likes, dislikes, etc. Just wondering if I should continue dating a little more before comiting to a marriage if he's not ready to truly become involved with me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Mar. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I think you should hold off on marriage until you can see that he is 100% committed to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • You can put it off but if you think you will get him to replace deep rooted thoughts of her with new thoughts of you I think that will take a lot of time. If she was his life then she has to gradually fade out. If the man loves you then marriage would immerse him in you and your likes and dislikes. Dating just gives him time to dwell on her again. If you want to replace her then do it right. He sounds like a good man who loves the woman he's committed to. Let him commit to you and he'll build a new foundation with you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:36 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Why don't you just ask him? Only he can tell you if he is really ready to get remarried. Some people have a hard time after they get divorced because of fear of the same thing happening again. He may be holding back because of this. How long was he married? If he was married a long time, he had a long time to learn about his wife. I can be very forgetful and it took me so long to learn my husband (after 12 years!) If something happened and I was with someone new, I would surely remember my husband and it would take me just as long to learn someone new.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 1:36 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • I think if you're questioning whether or not you should hold off, you most definitely should hold off.
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 3:49 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

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