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SAHM: are you a 50's woman?

Do you do everything for the house, your children, and your husband? Does your husband come home from work and eat dinner, then retreat upstairs to either watch tv or play on the computer? Then does he sleep half the day on the weekends?

This is practically my life. My husband thinks all he has to do is make the money. That I should take care of everything else. He probably doesn't spend more than 10-15 mins total with the kids a day. He wants me to cater to him every whim because he works all day and I don't. I've done whatever he wants for 5 years now and I am sick of it. If I don't clean to his standards, we fight about it.

Are there any women who live like this and are fine with it? How do you find the strength to put up with it? In my opinion, you get what you give and vice versa. His shift ends at 5:30. When is my day over?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Mar. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Well I work now. But for almost a year I stayed home and took care of the house. I did everything. I cooked 3 meals a day. Cleaned. Helped DD with homework, took walks with the dog. Had dinner finished at 6. He came home, watched tv and cuddled with DD. I loved every minute of it as well. Could it get old? Sure. DH did help on the weekends or if I asked him to help. He didn't expect me to do it. But I did because he was working and I wasn't. It was only fair that I take care of the home while he went to work. I'm not just going to sit on my butt all day long while he works his ass off. And I'm not crass enough to demand his help when he's been working harder than I.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 10:53 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • I think you should inform him of your feelings. Yes, he holds a full-time job but your job is a full-time job also but a 24/7 full-time job and you probably take on more than he does. He needs to be more helpful with his household and his children and not expect you to cater to every need. Yes, he brings in the money but what you do is very stressful and you need time for yourself also. Ask him how he will feel if his kids resent him because he never spends time with them? 10-15 minutes a day hardly counts as spending time with them. He gets home at 5:30, he has how long before bed? TV/computer time can be replaced with family time. Try having family night a couple nights a week. Play games, go out somewhere ect. It is getting warm, take the kids to the park or something. If he can't even do that then he needs to be by himself and get his priorities straight. Good luck, I hope it gets better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • It's a lot more acceptable of a lifestyle if your husband appreciates and reciprocates your love and devotion to him, but if you feel like your overworked and under appreciated it's a whole other story!
    I don't mind doing things that have to do with the house and the kids, but my husband picks out his own freaking clothes and all the rest of that crazy stuff. He helps when I'm not feeling good or when there's something that's not getting done. He understands and will spend time with the kids playing on the floor or whatever.
    I'd say your hub needs a reality check! Try ending your shift at 5:30 and see how he likes it! lol
    I think you've spoiled him...and that's not a look down or attack...but he's used to these high standards of living he's in shock that your tired of it...because, well...your doing most of the work!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • That is a really stressful situation! You never get a break! I assume you've tried just talking to him and telling him how you feel about it all? Would he be open to sharing the child responsibilites after he gets home? Sort of like you both work (in and out of home) unitl 5:30 but then you split your work? If he's not open to suggestions from you and won't understand then my only other suggestion is marriage counselling. Otherwise it sounds like its going to take your marriage out!
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:56 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Um NO! Lol.. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Give him specific things HE does for HIM! Whether it is laundry, kids baths, clean up dinner... a couple things that would help you out. Our jobs are 24/7 and no matter what we probably will always do more than our DH's.
    But, he could be being abusive. Dr. Phil did a show on something that sounds similar... not "clean enough"--fight, etc. It goes deeper.
    I would get counseling. His job is DAD too. THAT is a job TOO! Remind him of that! It is a PRIVILEGE to spend time with the kids. You shouldn't have to FORCE it!!
    Good luck, mommy... But if he doesn't shape up, get counseling. And then take it from there.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 10:57 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Yup, that's my life too. He gets home at 7pm to a sparkling house, happy wife & kids, and dinner on the table. All he needs to do is eat then plop in to his LaZBoy and relax. Does it bother me? Yes. Will it change? No
    What does bother me is on weekends. You'd think he'd want to hang out with his 3 boys but he just plays video games. So of course mommy comes to the rescue and plays with the kids all darn weekend too. A woman's work is never done!
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 11:02 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • He needs to realize you're not sitting on your ass eating bon bons or sitting at a computer all day drinking coffee. Being at home is WORK, exhausting work with little appreciation and no paycheck. I think it's sad he spends so little time with the kids. Talk to him, tell him it's not working for you to be a slave.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:16 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Op here
    I have told him how I feel and specifically that I don't wanna be his slave anymore. He goes on to say that I am being disrespectful to him and starting a fight. This evening he was complaining that I didn't clean the tub quick enough (its been a week) and says if I respected him, I would have it cleaned by the time he gets home.

    We also have my parents living with us. They even ask me about when is my husband going to do certain things... My father does the dishes and spends time with the kids. My mother works full time and makes dinner sometimes and also spends time with the kids. I feel embarrassed when they ask me about him. Ex: when is your husband going to clean up outside? Is he coming down for dinner? Does he spend any time with the kids? Is he coming home tonight?(he goes out all night most weekends)

    cont:
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • cont:
    We went to counseling once and the therapist basically agreed that I should treat him however he wants to make him happy.
    I used to work full time before the second kid was born. He still expected me to keep the house nice, take care of our son, and him as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

  • Then his mentality is, you ARE his slave. I would stop and tell him if he wants it done, do it. If he objects then tell him when HE has respect for YOU and your kids, you'll start making an effort again. Don't be his door mat any longer and find a new councellor. The other one BSed you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Mar. 14, 2010

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