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help!! ok i am 19 and have to boys. my husband is deployed in iraq . i have been having no feelings for him at all since he has been gone and even before he left. i dont have the butterflies in my stomach anymore. every time we get paid i have enough money to pay bills then thats it. i have to make it work with how much gas i have, its been like this since we got married.

since i have been home im happier and i have the help i need here with a 4 onth and 14 month.my husband doesnt want me to go out because he is scared something is gonna happen to me.i cant really hang out with guys from school i went to.i just dont know what to do,a part of me says leave and another says try and work it out.but if i try to work it out then i cant do shit for a whole year,now that he is deployed he wants me to record myself stripping for him and send it to him,but i dont see my self having time nor did i ever do that when he was home i never felt comfortable to do that.he says if i dont change while he is over there then he is going to leave me.i am lost in confussion on what to do. i dont want to make him upset while over there with divorce papers but i also dont want to be stranded in a house with 2 kids everyday.i have given up so much for him and cant take it no more.

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nicole219

Asked by nicole219 at 10:20 PM on Sep. 19, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (24)
  • I'm going to tell you something that may make you hate me and to be perfectly honest I don't really care. I understand how you feel and when I say I understand I really mean it. My husband just left for basic and we have bills we can't pay and two kids to take care of. If you don't love him then you need to leave him. But if you are just concerned with money and not getting to go out with other guys then you need to get over yourself. What he is doing for his country is admirable but it is hard.
    So think...really hard about what you want and what you feel. Staying with someone or getting married to someone because of children is completely and utterly stupid. So if that is what you did. Or that is what you are doing then stop it. All it does is hurt the kids and you and your husband.
    But that is my opinion so I wish you nothing but the best in whatever you decide to do. Good Luck!
    airmanswife1006

    Answer by airmanswife1006 at 10:31 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • i feel really bad for you right now. i am 28 now. i married my first husband only 5 months after turning 18 and the first few months were good but when the reality of life with a husband and 2 kids me and being so young i lost it for a while. there was never enough money and all my life day in and day out was the kids, work and him, no me time. my whole life was so confussed and deppressing. i too lost all feelings for my then husband. i even hated him. don't let money change your feelings for your husband sweety. i know it is hard. i wish i had some magical advice to give you, but i don't. my life was a mess for a long time after my first husbnad. if you ever need to talk, come on over to my profile.
    flowermom1980

    Answer by flowermom1980 at 10:32 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • Honestly... it sounds to me like youre a little immature. When you marry someone... you give yourself to them COMPLETELY. I'm sure that if he had a choice, he wouldn't be in Iraq, he'd be home with his family. God Bless him, he's putting his life on the line for you and your babies... for everyone walking on this soil of freedom. You have a husband, you SHOULDN'T be running around with guys... period. Thats just asking for trouble. AND you're worried about not getting to do anything for a whole year, thats stupid. What about him!? He gets to risk his life everyday and he gets to worry and be scared... for you. You say you don't have enough money... NO ONE has enough money, thats life sweetie... get used to it. But, the money that you do have he works his butt off for, I'm sure. You're so unappriciative. I hate to say it... but it sounds to me like you need to leave him. You don't deserve him.
    Nicolert

    Answer by Nicolert at 10:41 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • I am sorry for you that you are stressed out. But you are stressing your own self out. I think that your young and probable shouldnt have started to play house yet, because now you have two children with a husband in Iraq. And with all the burden on you to take care of the kids you want to break, married life is hard there are always trails and tribulations. You probably feel left out because you can not go and hang out. Take a moment and think what is you real problem, no matter if you leave him the situation will be the same, short on money, and he is over there and you have the kids. Whatever decision that you make think about you children and whatever you do effects them, Ask your family for a little help to give you a break once and awhile, then maybe you will not feel so trapped. good luck
    Jenlos

    Answer by Jenlos at 10:47 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • What did you think marriage was? You need to find other military wifes and mothers use their support. Don't be a wuss!!!! You can do this, in the end you will be so proud that you did. And if he is deployed he is either going to look at porn or his wife. What would you like for him to do.
    Mrs.Faith

    Answer by Mrs.Faith at 10:50 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • first off, you have kids...you have to take care of t hem. would you rather daycare raised them? dont be selfish.
    i am an ex army vet, and i am married to a sgt in the army. when i was pregnant, i was alone...first 6 months of her life, she only had me.
    its tough...sometimes you will resent the shit out of him.....but dont end this until he gets back. wait till he gets back....talk...make sure thi sis what you want.
    and your only 19...why in the hell are you having kdis getting married at 19 anyways.
    and asking for you stripping........he's tryin gto keep his sexual attention on you and not screwing iraqi women...and if you think they dont do it...your lying to yourself. be grateful, the military has a high rate of divorce and cheating, the fact he wants to keep you on his sexual desires shows something special.
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 11:02 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • thats what being a wife is. you stick it out thick or thin. everyone seems to loose those butterflies and it's hard to keep the spark alive when he is gone. you shouldn't be hanging out with guys if you are feeling this way. you might end up doing something you regret cause you got some attention. i would go out and just tell him you are. if he doesn't like it tough. you have to have a life but go out with your girls friends. most people live pay check to pay check and we haven't gone out on a date or as a family in forever with the economic state sucking right now. it's not easier being alone or easier cause it's someone else. marriage is something you work at. so work at it.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:03 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • oh and about money.
    the army is not rich............but you get 100 percent health insurance, you get free money for your bills, he is getting combat pay right now which is very good, you get 30 days paid vacation a year.
    no civilian job gives that.....
    ive had 2 surgeries and the army paid 100% ....NO job gives you that.
    your better off than you realize, be grateful for what you have, dont be jealous of the other 19 yr olds out their partyin their ass sleeping around with random ppl. thats a pathetic life and its meaningless. its hard to be a teen mom....ive seen women do it and its tough. but you had 2 kids......you dont have a choice. man up
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 11:05 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • My life is similar to yours. My husband and I have two kids, and he is currently deployed. We've been together for 8 years, married for 4. we've never been seperated like this except for the last year. he went to boot last july, and now hes deployed. this year has been hard. and at times it gets to me, being some 3000 miles away from family and friends, but i have to remember that we built a family together, and hes doing what hes always wanted to do.
    Its hard being over 5000 miles away from each other, but time will fly. and about hanging with the other guys, thats what gives us other army wives a bad rap. (sorry...... all military wives?)
    its time to grow up and realize that you live for your two children that are missing their daddy right now. you don't need to be going out and partying it up and whatever. a break everyonce in a while is good. just keep the kiddos in mind.

    -proudly standing behind our military!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • As a military wife of 16 years, I'm going to give you this bit of advice: DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD BECAUSE HE IS DEPLOYED. You will stagnate and lose yourself. Please believe me when I tell you this because me losing my independent streak almost destroyed my marriage.

    I know how you're living, I've lived it.

    When he's gone, get involved in your community with other military spouses. We're all in this together and we need to support each other! Talk to your nearest family support center, get involved in your local YWCA, find a local mother's group; stuff is out there!


    SkyeGirl

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 11:17 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

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