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I feel like I love my newborn the most?

Since we brought the new baby home our youngest had been hell on wheels. I know it is because he wants attention and he doesn't care if it is positive or negative, but I am at my wits end. He does nothing but scream all day, and it's these blood curtling screams. He won't drink anything besides cows milk because he wants to nurse, he doesn't eat a lot and he will not listen to anything I say. It is getting so bad he tries to hit the baby and lay over him while I nurse. He once even sat on the baby's face while I was not looking. time out doesn't work, redirection doesn't work, and I even tried spanking. I feel like a failure because when he is around his grandmother she is so good with him, but the stuff she does doesn't work for me. He plays with her, helps her clean like its a game, and it makes me feel like he loves her more. He even calls her name all day. I feel like I would rather have the baby and be alone. (Cont below)

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Mar. 14, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • I admit I could do more with him, but I find myself making excuses to not play with him. I tell myself I need to clean first, that he is too young to understand. But its really that I don't want to deal with the screaming. What can I do to fix this? DS is 20 months.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • it sounds like your youngest oldest is really still a baby himself, how old is the 'problem' child? And I don't mean really a bad problem for life just troublesome now.

    If he listens to grandma and is jealous of baby and you, let him be with grandma on the condition that grandma back you as the mom and reinforces to him that he must behave with grandma.

    Watch episodes of SuperNanny day or not on the computer internet for ideas. You must must must be consistent. He's winning and you're giving into him and he knows it. How old are all of your kids?

    Answer by lfl at 12:57 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • sorry for stumble of words ... make sure when ds at 20 mos old knows from grandma that he must listen to you mommy not only grandma. She's not helping you much if he's coming back and he's not any better.

    But ds is still just a baby himself at 20 months old. Aside from watching SuperNanny on the internet also wear headphones to deaden ds's screams, that headset does take the edge off cause the screams of temper tantrums are more quiet.

    Also, have grandma watch newborn two days in a row and two days in a row you get ds then switch. Work with your mother since she watches ds too, to more silence for your nerves.

    Basically mommy you have twins, twins run in my and my husband's families, it's not easy at all I know but that's what you've got. If you push ds away he's really going to know it. You're the adult you've got to get your parenting together.

    Answer by lfl at 1:04 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • Similar thing happen to me. But please understand that the older one is the big brother and he still has to learn what being a big brother implies.

    Well going back to my experience when I brought our baBY home I had to set limits: the older one not to step inside while I was breastfeeding. He will stay away while I'M changing the baby. etc. In less than two weeks the older one was helping to change the diaper. (fasten the diaper).

    You have to tell the older "NO". Your husband might think that you're neglecting the older one but at the end it pays off. SET LIMITS

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • that's how old my daughter was when I brought home my twin boys. she was a terror too....but it get's easier...I promise! you've just had a baby and your running through emotions etc.
    Try to include him the best you can. that's really all you can do....
    Now my daughter, everyday, is getting better and better with them, and they play together, and she tries to feed them etc.
    I used to cry myself to sleep because I thought I was neglecting her and I could see her frustration and pain through her outbursts. Keep up the good work mama, and that love for her will come back. *huge hugs*

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • You really need to spend more time with him/her, but you already know that, so theres the problem. He/she is feeling lonely and now they have to share mom. You should never put cleaning in front of spending time with your lo. Kids are not small for very long, the chores will always be there. Please please help your child.

    Answer by jbirchard at 3:31 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

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