My husband that is. Never tells me I'm pretty. But he physically shows me I am attractive to him. Never tells me he likes dinner - only makes a comment about what's missing (ie:beans from last nights fajita dinner). Jokingly says I'm a horrible mom but never apologizes for the joke or gives me positive feedback. I know he loves me but I have never been in this type of relationship where I receive no positive words. I have talked to him about it but he just says I'm crazy. Maybe I am. Is this normal?
Asked by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Mar. 14, 2010 in Relationships
Answer by rochellecole at 1:20 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
You have every right to feel hurt. While you can't make him say or do anything nicer, you can stand up for yourself. The next time he makes a comment about you being a bad mother, tell him calmly yet firmly to stop. Tell him that even if he is joking, that is a extremely hurtful, rude, and disrespectful thing to say and that you don't ever want to hear it again. If he doesn't comply, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship because that's when it's considered emotionally abusive.
Answer by -xoxo- at 1:21 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
I too was guilty of criticizing , using sarcasm and cynicism like fine tuned weapons, far more than I'd compliment. I rarely offered praise or compliments, but expected to get them all the time! This was my "normal" way of expressing concern and love. I'd like to blame it on my horoscope (slang: horror/horrible scope) being a Virgo. LOL. The reality is that I had developed some unhealthy lifestyle patterns and mannerisms/habits that required me to do some INSIDE OUT work. I've gotten much better, according to my family, since I began counseling years ago. I no longer choke on giving compliments (more less use the L(ove) word) to family/friends or a stranger on the street. (Note: this was one of my "homework" assignments!) I pray that he too will be willing to go any lengths to become a better husband. Good luck with that!
Answer by Ewadun at 1:29 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
What would you do if a stranger or even a cousin said they same things your husband does? Would you laugh it off as a joke or would you get defensive? You are so used to this emotional abuse that you think he is being funny when he says that you are a bad mom. If he really loved you, he would never say those things and he would definitely apologize when he did say it. He has gotten away with it for so long, that it is normal. The problem, other than the fact that it is affecting you and breaking you down every time he opens his mouth, is that you both are teaching the kids it is okay for this behavior. The girls will be looking for a relationship like this and the boys will force relationships like this. I know that is not what you want. He needs therapy. You need to unlearn what he has told you. If that doesn't work, you might want to consider separation. You need to think about yourself.
Answer by krissyvelazquez at 1:42 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
Answer by admckenzie at 2:07 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
Answer by bjane01 at 2:17 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
You just have to roll with the punches when it comes to your husband. Next time when he mention something missing from dinner, say... so you cooking dinner next time then? and when he makes that joke comment about being a bad mom... just say, well I'm a better parent then you, I don't see you bathing, clothing, cooking or cleaning for our child major of the time. He will either shut up and not do it again... or think that you are playing along with him and it will make things fun for you and him!
Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:17 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 3:22 PM on Mar. 14, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Mar. 15, 2010
Next question overall
Christian parenting that doesn't involve beatings or "training"?