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Never has a nice word to say.

My husband that is. Never tells me I'm pretty. But he physically shows me I am attractive to him. Never tells me he likes dinner - only makes a comment about what's missing (ie:beans from last nights fajita dinner). Jokingly says I'm a horrible mom but never apologizes for the joke or gives me positive feedback. I know he loves me but I have never been in this type of relationship where I receive no positive words. I have talked to him about it but he just says I'm crazy. Maybe I am. Is this normal?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Mar. 14, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yes it is normal, for me at least. My husband is the same way. I have experessed to him that I would like to hear more positive things from him and when he did it just didnt sound sincere. Like it was forced upon him. So I just accept the postive ways he shows in his own way.
    What you could also do is play his own game and show him how it feels and it might get him thinking.
    rochellecole

    Answer by rochellecole at 1:20 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • It's hard for my husband to do too, but he doesn't say sarcastic things like i'm a horrible mom. I would find that really really hurtful. I'm sorry he does that :(
    Nobody can tell you your crazy for expressing your feelings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • You have every right to feel hurt. While you can't make him say or do anything nicer, you can stand up for yourself. The next time he makes a comment about you being a bad mother, tell him calmly yet firmly to stop. Tell him that even if he is joking, that is a extremely hurtful, rude, and disrespectful thing to say and that you don't ever want to hear it again. If he doesn't comply, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship because that's when it's considered emotionally abusive.

    -xoxo-

    Answer by -xoxo- at 1:21 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • I too was guilty of  criticizing , using sarcasm and cynicism like fine tuned weapons, far more than I'd compliment. I rarely offered praise or compliments, but expected to get them all the time! This was my "normal" way of expressing concern and love. I'd like to blame it on my horoscope (slang:  horror/horrible scope) being a Virgo. LOL. The reality is that I had developed some unhealthy lifestyle patterns and mannerisms/habits that required me to do some INSIDE OUT work. I've gotten much better, according to my family, since I began counseling years ago. I no longer choke on giving compliments (more less use the L(ove) word) to family/friends or a stranger on the street. (Note: this was one of my "homework" assignments!) I pray that he too will be willing to go any lengths to become a better husband. Good luck with that!

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 1:29 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • What would you do if a stranger or even a cousin said they same things your husband does? Would you laugh it off as a joke or would you get defensive? You are so used to this emotional abuse that you think he is being funny when he says that you are a bad mom. If he really loved you, he would never say those things and he would definitely apologize when he did say it. He has gotten away with it for so long, that it is normal. The problem, other than the fact that it is affecting you and breaking you down every time he opens his mouth, is that you both are teaching the kids it is okay for this behavior. The girls will be looking for a relationship like this and the boys will force relationships like this. I know that is not what you want. He needs therapy. You need to unlearn what he has told you. If that doesn't work, you might want to consider separation. You need to think about yourself.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 1:42 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • SO is like that. I have had to accept him as he is just as he struggles to accept me as the open minded, philosophical, talkative person I am that drives him nuts!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:07 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • Same here, my husband is short on the positive statement. I do tell him that I would like to hear positive statments and he tries. My husband can be sarcastic but he respects me and I know he thinks well of me. I wouldn't tolerate the comments about me being a horrible mom. Joking or not. I would tell him simply that it is unacceptable. There is a line you don't cross.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:17 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • You just have to roll with the punches when it comes to your husband. Next time when he mention something missing from dinner, say... so you cooking dinner next time then? and when he makes that joke comment about being a bad mom... just say, well I'm a better parent then you, I don't see you bathing, clothing, cooking or cleaning for our child major of the time. He will either shut up and not do it again... or think that you are playing along with him and it will make things fun for you and him!

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:17 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • I think its impossible for a man to say positive things. I started making small, positive comments to him (we were both slacking in that department) and then he blew me out of the water one day when he got up and said "Hey, you did a great job getting DS1 up this morning. Thank you, I was able to sleep in." Usually there's a lot of fussing and arguing first thing in the morning b/c DS1 doesnt want to get ready for school, and we end up waking everyone else up. :) I was floored that he not just noticed, but complimented me on it.
    MunchiesMom324

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 3:22 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • It shouldn't be hard to say something nice---especially if he's so vocal in giving you put-downs. I'd re-think how I was being treated and deal with it how I see fit. Kids see and hear things you don't realize...they know when you're not affectionate with each other, they know when you are. They know when you're unhappy or sad, and they will know that your hubby is treating you improperly and you're allowing it. Just food for thought.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

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