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he only tries to have sex when he wants something

hubby n i get along ok. he isnt really too affectionate most days, i will get a kiss good bye or a kiss when he comes home, but other than that not much else. we only have sex about 2 or 3 times a month and its usually very quick and involves little or no foreplay. the only time he tries to go down on me is right after he has asked to have a night off with his friends. it never fails, if he asks and i say no, he goes down (hoping i will change my mind) or if i say yes he wants to do it when he knows he has come home too late and is i trouble. i beg for more affection, more sex, more foreplay but he is uninterested unless he feels it will get him something he wants. should i stop giving it to him altogether, its been almost 4 years together and he will not try to have sex longer than 10 minutes or so!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Stop begging, Stop putting out, make him beg you!. A man wants what he can't have.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • Sounds to me like he has a mistress.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • I think you have a selfish husband. I also think you really need to talk to him about how you feel. I can't imagine you wanting to stay in a marriage like that for the rest of your life.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:47 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • poor thing! That's crap and disrespectful. As you only do it a couple of times a month, it's unlikely to have a huge impact to stop altogether. Not sure if TMI but look after yourself. Go shopping for a vibrator, don't hide it. Just say "I'm going to bed now to have sex, you're welcome to join me". And GO! Even if he doesn't show up, you will definitely get him thinking. Toys can take the pressure off, (literally) create new excitement, many men are intrigued and turned on, and if he doesn't want to play, you still have a great time. If everything else in the relationship is good, then this might help
    Good Luck

    Answer by myheartx4 at 11:50 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • i agree- stop having sex, but go back into your old ways. like how did you "catch" him? wear sexier clothing, wear makeup, smile more, go out more (even if its just with the kids). ENJOY YOURSELF.. make him, basically, fall back in love with you. do things for and with yourself- dont even worry about him. when he says that he's going out, be like oh, thats cool- dont make it a big deal. act as if you dont care. and go out once in a while, without the kids- go to the movies or something!


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • lol, some answers crack me up. Sure he could have a mistess. Everyone of our husbands COULD, but it doesn' t mean they do. Talking to him is a great Idea, but wanting to leave him before you even find out the problem would tell me you have very little faith in your marriage. It could be anything, he could be going through some emotional stuff. Or just plain tired. Sit down and have a chat or plan something romantic. Attacking him with accusations will just make things worse.

    Answer by MoMmY2APrince85 at 11:53 PM on Mar. 14, 2010

  • I agree with CorrinaWithrow. Do you think he may be seeing someone else?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

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