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DO i marry him??? would you?

ok its been 4 yrs hes a great guy, he works hard, pays all the bills, he takes care of my daughter who is not his bio child, he takes care of our son, we get along great most of the time, but he has no passion about me. i am madly in love with him and have been for 4 years, but i feel like his roommate. we dont have sex very often, and he never tries to satisfy me when we do, he only cares about getting his and i think of cheating on him all the time. its been more than 2 years since i have had sex longer than 15 minutes. we rarely make out or cuddle(unless the bedroom is cold lol), he doesnt help clean although i work 3 days a week myself. he hangs with his friends at least 3 or 4 times a month while i rarely leave the house. we go out together or as a family about once or twice, but other than that we are best buds. but is this how a marriage is? we only say i love you like once a week or that normal??

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Mar. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Just to get you to elaborate- have you talked with him about these issues and YOUR needs. Can you think of logical, concrete things he can do to make you more satisfied overall? Things you can do? If so, what does he say?

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 12:20 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • NO this is not normal and NO you shouldn't marry him.

    If you have to question marrying him the answer is NO.
    If you are thinking of cheating the answer is NO.

    You NEED to be happy and this relationship isn't doing it for you so tell him your not happy, tell him to fix it or get out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • "and i think of cheating on him all the time."

    That's your answer right there. You're roommates..TREAT HIM AS SUCH till you find a place of your own. No more sex with him. PERIOD. No marriage. PERIOD.

    Move on.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:26 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • IMO he isn't a bad guy, just a typical guy. Ya there are guys out there who are more affectionate, or romantic. But it sounds like you have a pretty good guy. I don't think there is such a thing as normal. It is whatever works for you.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:28 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • You need to sit him down and have a serious take about what your needs are and both of your expectations before you get married. I can't really say if the not saying "I love you" is normal or hubby says it to me several times a day and we will have been married for 20 years in April but my mom and dad were together for 30 years before he died and I don't even remember him saying I love you to anyone..he was just not the type to say it although he showed it i other ways.

    Answer by LadySaphira at 12:29 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • Do you want this to be a forever thing like marriage is or do you want to wait for the real Mr. right to come along. Never settle unless your sure HE IS THE ONE

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:36 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • Just because he takes care of your children is not a reason to marry him; you're in there, too. You think about cheating on him; why do you think that is? You want something else--what is that you want? You're not going to get it if you marry him. Your children know that you're not happy--give them some credit; children are a lot more perceptive than we think they are. And there's another thing--HE may not be fulfilled, either. HE may think about cheating on you--HE may want something more. But I agree the first step is to have a long talk with him. Nothing's going to change if you don't communicate.

    Answer by SaraCVT at 2:17 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • I am trying to figure out why the two of you decided to have a baby, when you hadn't decided whether or not to share your lives forever.

    Couples' counseling is definitely in order...

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:33 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • It sounds to me that you have a good guy but you just need to tell him how to met your needs. Men will do whatever they want left to their own devices. They will take care of themselves. I just think you need to communicate to him what it is you need. Pick the thing that you want him most to do, then when you catch him doing anything close to it, compliment him. Like "wow, it was really nice when you sit close to me..." in the bedroom say "it really feels good when you..." You have to train him to fill your needs. If you get along well that is the biggest battle. Men are simple, they want a happy women by their side who thinks the world of them. If you can do that, you can get them to do whatever you want just by letting your needs be known in a polite way!

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:43 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • I would say talk to him and let him know how your feeling. If things dont change and you still feel like cheating, then i would day leave the relationship and dont marry him.. Maybe work on yall first as friends and then get into a relationship but not engaged... Hope all is well hun

    Answer by Tryin4GodsAngel at 12:01 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

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