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how do i tell my fiance that i will not marry him unless we work on us???

i am not fulfilled in my current relationship, we have been together for 3 years and have a baby. i really love him, but he doesnt know how to show his love for me very well. we get along, but thats it, there are no sparks, very few dates, even fewer long nights. he refuses to go to our bed until he is falling asleep sitting up while i would rather lie in bed and make out and cuddle. he gets to go hang out and have fun bc he works, but i get to stay home ALL THE TIME, BC thats my job, along with my part time job. i want him to hold, kiss, and love me but he is always too "stressed" from work to do anything except watch tv. how do i get him to see that i am un happy. i have tried on more than one occasion over the last year to tell him that im unhappy, but he never tries anything different or tells me what i can do to make it better??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Mar. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Tell him just what you've written here. No beating around the bush. Be direct.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:40 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • Come up with concrete steps and changes you can both make. Make a plan. It may not be romantic, but it will eventually be second nature.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:19 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • Couple's counseling. If he won't go, go yourself
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:35 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • Why would you even consider marrying someone when the relationship is that far off track? Just tell him it's not working and for him to fix it or he's got to go. That should get his attention and then you two can talk about what will make things better but don't be surprised if after a while it goes back to being what it is now. Lots of guys think that once they have the woman they want they can stop giving her attention and showing affection.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:57 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. I don't know if he will make an effort to change or not though. Have you considered couples counseling? I think that would be a very good idea. One thing that my hubs and I do is we have a 'date' night where we drop the kids with grandma and then we go out. It gives us alone time to talk, and such. If you don't have a relative who will watch your child or don't have a babysitter, then try a nice romantic night in--- put the child to bed a bit early, have a nice dinner cooked, suggest snuggling on the sofa and watching tv or a movie......
    If he does not listen to you and does not make an effort to change, refuses counseling and does not even try to give you any affection then I would say cut your losses. If he really loved you he would make an effort to change.
    I wish you luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:02 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • It sounds to me that he only married you , to do the right thing when he got you pregnant. And that he wasn't really ready to settle down yet. Don't get me wrong I do think he cares for you and loves you in his own way,. but I don't think he wants to settle down yet. you can try counseling , but its better if you both go. that way you both know its not working out, . instead of you just going where then he might think that it you who is calling it quits.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 10:23 AM on Mar. 15, 2010

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