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I have custody of my niece. How do I deal with my sister and mother?

My 11 yr. old niece was taken temp. from my sister. My sister and mother have lived together for 12 yrs. and are both addicted to prescription drugs. It got bad enough that finally my niece was taken and put in my care until my sister cleans herself up. Now, I am in the position of the "bad guy" because I have the child. All I am doing is giving her a safe place to live so she's not put in foster care, but I am the monkey in the middle and it is not fun at all. My niece has anger issues because of all she has been through and she wants to go home to her mother, and I get the brunt of that. I can handle that, I just feel sorry for myself I guess. Now she doesn't get to see her Mom unless I drive the 30 min. to her house because she doesn't have a car or a job and it get exhausting, all the running I have to do.

Answer Question

Asked by Shellness at 11:39 AM on Mar. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (35 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Well if they want to be like that, then let her go into foster care. Then they will appreciate what you were trying to do. You can only do so much and (I'm guessing) have your own kids to take care of, too.

    Answer by Pnukey at 12:10 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • You are doing a great thing for a three of them. As far as the driving. Make a plan which days you are going. Let everybody know the plan ans stick to it. Once a week is enough if you ask me. I'm sure this kid needs some stability in her life. Knowing that she will see her mom from 1-4pm every Saturday should calm he down. Remind your sister that you never forced her to screw up her life and if she doesn't know how to be grateful you will put her child in foster care. (otherwise known as STFU) As far as the anger issues. Maybe some art therapy would be in order. Buy the girls some paints and ask her to paint how she feels.  They do this in grief therapy.  It helps the kids "get the emotions out."


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • What a tough situation, bless you for trying to pick up the peices. Anyway you could get her in counseling? She is prob all messed up from her mother and grandmas drug use and neglect.
    Shouldn't her mom be the one to find a way to see her child?
    I think you are an angel, and just remember that you need to take care of yourself first before you can have anything to give to someone else. So find a way every day to do something that brings you joy and nurtures your spirit. This too shall pass.
    Your neice will someday remember what you did for her, and maybe you will be the one that shows her a better life and a better way to live?

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:37 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • What an awesome aunt and sister you are!! It's hard to see the good in your situation now, but hopefully your sister gets her act together and cleans up her life. Your sister and niece will one day appreciate all that you have done for them once their lives are in order. It is awesome that your niece has a strong role model in her life, despite all the chaos and pain. Good luck to you and I'll pray for your family.

    Answer by ChereseB at 12:46 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • she's got a tough road ahead that most of you will probably never understand-
    I hope that the sister will be truly thankful, but IF she is it will probably just be up to a point.

    This time with the aunt will change things- the child will most likely get close to her aunt and may even want to call her aunt mommy after a time. Everyone's life is going to change and that's the way life sometimes goes.
    this will probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, But I say cherish every moment of the time that you'll have with your niece.

    Best of luck Aunt mommy- I'm thinking of you!


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

  • First off you are wonderful for taking your neice in and not having her to be placed in foster care. This has to be hard on her at such a young age it has to be confusing to now not live with her mom. She may not fully understand all that is going on. Her anger is not with you even though sometimes it may seem like it. Her anger comes from having to be away from her mom. Another thought would be maybe consider counseling for your neice this may help her deal with all that is going on. Clearly she needs someone she can trust and feel she can open up to with her emotions. Try talking to her and assuring her the love you have for her and that she can talk to you about anything. Right now she needs to have someone who will understand her feelings. She needs to know her mom still loves her and that things will be okay. If seeing her mom makes her feel better then the contact needs to continue. I hope things get better.

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 7:22 PM on Mar. 15, 2010

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