I am 33 and we have met before but were never close. Been out of touch for about 10 years. She claims to be looking for information regarding my birth-father (who I have NEVER met) as of the last evening. I want to see her and him and my two half-sisters, nieces and nephews but I am also scared about opening that part of me again.Answer Question
Answer by sati769leigh at 4:13 AM on Mar. 16, 2010
Answer by mommymadness30 at 4:23 AM on Mar. 16, 2010
You are the only one who can make the choice to let her into your life or not. Then just tell her how your decision
Answer by louise2 at 5:48 AM on Mar. 16, 2010
Only you can make the dission to open you heart to them. When I was 27 I found my birthmother and we are very close to this day. It can be scary. For me I was glad I got to know her and my half brothers and Grandpa. It has been such a blessing to have them in my life and my kids life. Good luck on what you decide to do. If you need to talk just PM me. I will gladly try and answer or help you out if you need.
Answer by Raeann11 at 9:51 AM on Mar. 16, 2010
Answer by Shlamoof at 10:41 AM on Mar. 16, 2010
I don't know why she chose FB to contact you again but perhaps it was a buffer,excuse distant way to test the waters after being out of contact for so long.I am a birthmother to a 33 year old son that I have never met and can't imagine walking away if I ever got the chance.Maybe she regrets being out of contact for so long.Perhaps you could use FB as a tool to keep a little distance while yall 'talk' and see what is going on with her now.I understand not wanting to be hurt so maybe ease into it through FB. Take care.
Answer by drfink at 1:21 PM on Mar. 16, 2010
You can always decide to take it slowly. Set what you are comfortable with. Know she may not respond the way you would like but at least you tried what you are comfortably willing to do. You are in control of you and she is in control of her choices. All you can do is respond in a way in which you are most comfortable. That means draw some clear and specific guidelines. She certainly is trying to establish a connection with you. It may not be in the way you would have liked it but it is there. The one thing I caution: the birthfather carrot. Do you want to make the connection because you truly want to have some sort of contact or relationship? Or do you want contact because your main goal is finding your birthfather and his family? I have seen where one birthmother did hold that carrot of the biological father over her child, knowing that is what motivated her daughter to have ongoing contact.
Answer by frogdawg at 11:36 PM on Mar. 16, 2010
Be clear with yourself what you want first. Even if you don't know yet yourself, what are you willing to do right now? That doesn't mean it can't change. Then tell her, "Right now I am comfortable with.... but later I could go further." If you are very interested in your birthfather and searching offer to help. If she is truly wanting that for both of you then hopefully two people searching can speed up the process. Certainly she can offer more information. Or if you don't feel comfortable at this time and don't really want to connect further than occasional e-mails or what have you - be honest. Say what you are looking for and let it be out there. In a nice way. I would also state that (if this is how you feel) that you could be open to more later but for now this is what you are willing to give and do.Â Given time and care you could develope that close relationship or a healthy relationship in general.
Answer by frogdawg at 11:44 PM on Mar. 16, 2010
Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 11:58 AM on Mar. 17, 2010
Answer by kristiewyble at 6:44 PM on Mar. 17, 2010
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