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am i a bad mom because i don't think to much about my unborb baby?

well i'm 4 months pregnant, but i have a one years old girl named Miya. before Miya was born i was always thinking about her, i didn't know the sex of the baby but i just loved the ideia that inside of me was a little baby.. i was always thinking about how could be the baby, and i was always thinking if i can do that or this, or if i can't because maybe will be bad for the baby. and i was living with an abusive husband, but then i run away with Miya and i found that i was pregnant again but i don't know the sex again, but i don't think about this baby the same way i though about Miya. is it normal because i had so many problems, or maybe i'm a bad mom right?

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Asked by betinha at 2:59 PM on Mar. 16, 2010 in Parenting

Level 9 (356 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Don't stress over it honey. The love will grow, especially as you begin to feel the baby move.

    Answer by jamesmommy12 at 3:00 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • You've been under a lot of stress and have a lot to think about, like taking care of yourself and your 1 y/o.....And it sounds like this baby was unplanned, which adds more stress....No wonder you're feeling like you do! Don't worry, your love will grow for this baby, too, just give it some time. Life will settle down and then you'll be able to enjoy being pregnant.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • I think you need to go to some counseling. It's common for women that have left an abusive husband to need counseling and to have problems with ppd after the baby is born. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's because of what he did to you.

    I kicked my abusive husband out when I was 6 months pregnant. He hit me bad enough I had to be in the hospital. I had to switch doctors and hospital because the doctors and nurses treated me wierd because they knew I was in the hospital from just having been abused. When I switched to a new hospital and doctors everything was much better. I had to be in the hospital most of the rest of the pregnancy. Counselors would come see me.

    It was a very hard year for me. I recommend breastfeeding. It will give you all those mothering hormones and of course formula is very bad for baby. I was a good mother even if I was somewhat detached at times.

    Answer by Gailll at 3:10 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • There are worse things than not thinking about your baby that isn't born yet. With my third son I didn't feel the connection that most moms do right after their babies are born. I loved him I just didn't connect right away. Now he is 10 months old. I connected with him months ago.


    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 3:12 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • You've been there done that already, y'know? The familiar doesn't occupy us as much. I'd be more concerned if you said your "not thinking" led you to do things like drinking, drugs or smoking while pregnant.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:47 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • No,your not a bad mom,its normal! I am just about 14 weeks pregnant and I have a 13 month old and a 9 year old. I get so busy with the two of them that sometimes, I actually think I forget that I'm pregnant. Like yesturday, I was standing in the kitchen,getting dinner ready, talking to my SO and keeping the baby entertained in her high chair and all of a sudden I felt a movement in my belly and I started laughing because it shocked me..I forgot for a minute that I was pregnant! lol Once the baby is won't forget about it,trust me. :)

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:03 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • Oh geez Gaill, why is everything come down to breast feeding for you. That is so way off topic here. Thats all you ever post about. Quit posting your pushy crap about breastfeeding. I'm not even against breast feeding and have breast fed my children but the more I see your posts the more I just want to become a breast feeding hater.
    Sorry but I had to vent that. There is you and one other one on here that is just constantly posting up your opinion on breast feeding and taking every chance you get to say something negative about feeding a baby formula. EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. It's getting old. Knock it off already will ya.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • LOL about the BF comments.Back to the subject at hand.
    No Doll, you are not a bad mom you are a mother with mountains to climb while hauling a baby on your back AND carring one inside you. You are stuggling, its a hard path to follow, its ok!! Even if you were not having problems, not feeling a connection is normal. Lots of us have felt this way.
    I was connected with my son while he was still hanging out in my jaccuzi but once he popped out it was a completely diffrent story. LOL I felt so terible, the first day he was crying and i didnt know why......the nurse comes in and changes his diaper.......I was like duh? change his diaper you idiot. But i was thinking about this little creature laying in front of me screaming for me to do something wonderful to make him happy....and i didnt want to.
    Anyways, some of us are not champions when it comes to babies. The most important part is that YOU RECONGNIZE YOUR FEELINGS!

    Answer by Ihatelaundry at 7:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2010

  • How am i gonna explain to my lil kids? i feel a terrible momma
    Right now i cant have them all with me, because i can afford a big house for me and my 4 i rent a room for me and my 10 month old to live but the rest of my kids stay with my ex.... but i see them almost every day.. but when its time for me to go, my 5 years old daughter cry so much, and yells at me why she cant come to... my other 2 kids one with 3yrs old and the other with 2 yrs old cry a lot.
    I know they miss me because i am their mom, but there is a way to explain them why? my oldest daughter she is extremely jelous of my 10 months because he comes with me... I feel really guilty, but i decide to leave my ex house because we used to fight a lot..
    Something doesn't jibe...


    Answer by Dardenella at 9:42 PM on Jan. 30, 2014

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