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Strange question but need advice.

I am in a long distance romance with a man that I love dearly. He loves me too and I know that is true. While we meet periodically when we can right now, the physical need to be together is very strong. We have dabbled in phone sex and have found it to be very satisfying at times. Problem is that now, that doesn't always do the trick. In other words, it leaves us more frustrated. While my man is very considerate in the physical sense, when he is missing me, he will talk very sexual to me about what he wants to. If I'm in the mood most often he changes the topic because it makes him miss me too much. I feel the same frustration butwould not think of putting him off. What can I do? Trying to be understanding but feeling misplaced. His response is that he wants me so much and because of that, phone sex does not compare and leaves him more frustrated at times,should I be worried or let it go?

Answer Question

Asked by teacherspet_too at 12:06 AM on Mar. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (-117 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • is this a man overseas or an online dude

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Not advice you want to hear....long distance relationships never last, I would end it and find something and someone more meaningful who is in your area. Because that frustration with your sex life will turn into frustration with each other. My advice is to reassess this situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Is the long distance part of the relationship a permanent thing? Because long distance relationships - if you know there's an end in sight and you can be together eventually, can and do work. (I've been married almost 18 yrs to a military guy, with lots of separations in there, so I know they can.) But, if it's a long distance thing and it's basically a situation where it's going to be long distance the whole time (because neither of you can / will relocate to where the other is), then that's a different situation, for a lot of different reasons.

    But honestly, yes, it is possible that he doesn't want to have phone sex for the reasons he's saying. It doesn't have to mean that he doesn't love you or care about you. It really could just mean that he finds that afterward, he's more frustrated and feeling alone than he was before.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:34 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • cont

    My advice would be to lay off the phone sex if it's not something that is satisfying to both of you, and develop other areas of your relationship. Then, when you're back together, you can handle the physical side of things...

    Now, if this isn't a temporary long distance thing, then I think you need to re-evaluate just how much the relationship means to you. Because I understand that there are jobs, families, etc. But, if you call care enough about each other to be in a long term relationship, then you should make that relationship a priority. You can travel to visit family, get a new job, etc. If one or both of you won't think about relocating to be together, that says, deep down, you won't compromise or that the relationship really isn't that big a priority. Then you're gonna want to re-think being in a romantic relationship with him.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:37 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • In response to the anonymous response, I disagree. Long distance relationships can work out if you want them to and if there is enough chemistry. I was long distance with my DH for three years, then we moved in together and then go married. We've been together five years now, going on six. So, it can work. But, I think you DO need to see him once in a while.

    As for the phone sex thing - you need to communicate your needs to him clearly.

    Answer by Safrianna at 7:44 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

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