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I am curious about "submissive" wives/girlfriends...

but I don't want to call someone out on a post or journal that they have written because that feels rude. I just want those women who want to explain it, to explain it. How does it work on a daily basis? How many decisions are yours and what do you have to ask permission for? Does it mirror a parent-child relationship or not? What does this belief stem from- religion? that you tried it and it works for you? that his personality is naturally authoritarian and yours is naturally submissive? Is this the way marriages should all work or just the way yours does? Is there something about being a woman that makes us less willing or able to make sound decisions so we need a man to help? Do you always like it or sometimes not so much? If you feel something is off about the dynamic, would it be open to negotiation. Anything else you want to add/describe?

 
Bellarose0212

Asked by Bellarose0212 at 12:36 AM on Mar. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,940 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I am not overly religious but in my marriage it works best that I let my husband make the major decisions. He usually comes to me for a second opinion and I give it. If I have a strong feeling about something that is different than what he chooses, I let him know in a kind and loving way that I'd prefer something different and back it up with a reasonable explanation. He usually allows me to have my way - but it is extremely rare that I differ from what he sees as the course we are going. He is very intelligent, calm and thoughtful. He wants what is best for both of us. I love it that he is strong and that I can count on him and trust him. I don't judge others' relationships. I just know what works for us.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • my husband thinks he is the authorty one but he has a thing coming. I think ALL relationships it should be joint choices. not his way or her way. My relationship is in trouble ebcause of this and my husband is a huge ass that thinks everything should be how he wants it and everything should go his way but I'm no door mat. All pcouples can really do is try and talk about it and if that doesnt work just hit the guy over the head with a fry pan :) (kidding on that)
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:40 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • submissive but not doormat. God made Eve from Adam so we are 3rd in Charge after God then husband then wife so there is not chaos! My husband does not like to be the boss so I give him lots of breaks,lol! It is not a big thing most women want to please their husbands or else husbands may be tempted away??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • The husband has to still follow the Bible principles and not expect the wife to do any different than right!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • my husband and I believed in a wife-submissive type of relationship because of our religion. however, in college I changed my religious views and decided to pursue a career (even though I was going to college I had no intention of working full-time outside the home). the submissive thing would have worked for us if I was willing to stay at home, cater to him, and be barefoot and pregnant every year. when it didn't work out for us, I rebelled, and our marriage has been very rocky ever since. I love my career and don't regret my choice to have only 1 child, but I think my marriage would be better if I gave up my job and had more kids to make him happy.
    baenglishwc05

    Answer by baenglishwc05 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Dh tried that. He said that I "needed to be in a womans place"<~~~HA! He married the wrong one then lol. I explained to him that I beneath no man and this is 50/50. I will back you on any decsion you make, so long as you discuss it with me before following through and vice versa. I will admit that I tried being "submissive" to him. Letting him make all the decisions, asking permission about every little thing. Yeah that lasted about 4 days. I'm not that kind. lol I'm loud, I take no crap but I sure can dish it out. I'm just glad that he and i understand each other and have a working dynamic.
    4xsthetrouble

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 6:40 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Answering these types on questions are difficult with the character limit but if I have to make 4 replies oh well. So here goes...

    I consider myself submissive though some disagree.

    I do not count the decisions I get to make. I can tell you that if it is medically related it is all mine. Why? I have a medical background. Basic day to day decisions are mine. I get to make the decisions about homeschooling related things because I am the one physically doing it but I never make a decision without talking to my husband because their education is just as important to him as it is to me. Major decisions (things like moving, spending large amounts of money, etc) are his. We discuss it, he takes in to account my opinion and even what the kids want if it is relevant (like with moving) but ultimately the decision that is made is his. That DOES NOT mean that he gets what he wants. That means that he makes a decision that is
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 9:57 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • ..continued...

    is best for our entire family. Sometimes it is what he wants, sometimes what I want, sometimes what the kids want and sometimes it is something that neither of us originally considered but came up while we were discussing it.

    I do not ask "permission" to do anything but I will discuss certain things with him before doing it. Like if I want to go out with my girlfriend...I will talk to him because I need to know if he has plans, if he has to work, if he has schoolwork, etc. I will ask if he minds me buying certain things in case he has plans for our money that he hasn't yet mentioned. That isn't because he hides what he does but because he can be absent-minded.

    No, my relationship with my husband does not mirror parent-child. I have never considered him a parental figure to anyone but our children.

    The basis for this is not at all religiously driven. I am Pagan, he is Agnostic.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 10:03 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • continued

    It was driven by love and fear.

    It was a means of saving a marriage that I feared would end before it got started. Which scared me because we do not generally believe in divorce.

    Eric was trying to prove himself as a father and a husband that was NOTHING like the father and husband that his father had been. I was being a hard-ass. I wanted everything my way. I wanted to wear the pants. I wanted to be "the queen bitch" and I was a bitch all right.

    Eric wanted to be my knight in shining armour...my protector, my support both financially and emotionally. It is BEYOND important to him that he be able to support his family.

    When I took a step back and realized what I was doing I realized that my desire to be all things was selfishly driven...his desires were not and therefore more important. I gave him the room he needed to be the man he wanted so desperately to be and you know what....he didn't disappoint.<
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 10:09 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • continued...

    Since we did this we are both better people in generally but especially in the aspects of being husband and wife and parents.

    He is appreciative, strong, confident, respectful, loving, supportive and caring.

    I am more at peace, calmer, happier, respectful, appreciative and confident. Overall, our entire family is happier. The stress level in our family is practically non-existent. We are all content with life. We enjoy being together both as a family and as a couple. We are more in love today then we ever have been and it is amazing.

    I am completely able to make decisions both major and minor. I don't think being female has anything to do with it. Before I became a SAHM (just in August) I was a nurse. I made life and death decisions DAILY....are there decisions anymore MAJOR then holding someone's life in your hands?

    If it wasn't working we would discuss it....
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 10:15 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

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