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should i make peace for my brother? How?

I have'nt spoken to my dad in almost a year. I am not even going to get into the details as to why but he hasnt made an atempt to speak to me either. My dad and i have often throughout my entire life had words and he has hurt my feelings, this last time though really was the icing on the cake for me and i called it quits. I have heard rumors from my sister that he has said i can rot in hell for all he cares. Anyways, to get to my question, my brother who is 19 yrs old and has just become a marine has been begging me to call a truce with my dad. He wants me to call and apoligize and just ask if we can start over. ( i have nothing to be sorry for by the way) except maybe voiding him out of my life. I feel really bad because i know he is afraid he will be sent off overseas or something and he just wants to fix the family. I really want to do it..but in my heart it would only be doing it for my brother. should i? how

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Mar. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I don't think there's any wrong to honor your brother to make the attempt for peace with dad. Think, if you do not do what brother's asking and something being in the military happens to your brother then very likely you will have unbearable guilt.

    And you brother will be in the military with at least a peace in his heart from you that you took the initiative and tried to resolve the situation.

    Answer by lfl at 10:06 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • I wouldn't make peace with my father so I can't tell you to do it. Does your brother know what is really going on or just what your father says? If he doesn't know what has happened he may not realise why you don't want anything to do with him. If he wanted to try he would be trying.


    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 11:06 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • op here..i tried telling my brother the whole story and all he has to say is that people change. Well i have given my dad many chances in the past and he always seems to show his true colors thats why i decided this last time that it would be THE LAST TIME. I'm tired of the heart ache and i am tired of crying. I just can't handle the stress. I don't want my brother to be overseas though and worrying about family. I feel like if he were to come home to visit that he shouldnt have to be caught in the middle. He deserves to rest and that everyone should be able to get along for him. I just don't know how.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • I don't believe in saying that you are sorry if you are not- and you shouldn't have to for you brother-
    but, if you want to honor your brother's request because you love your brother, I can understand that as well.

    you need to decide what is best for you, and if making some kind of peace with your dad because it will make you brother feel better then maybe.
    I've done that before- sent a few holiday cards and update emails that as to what was going on with me to certain people to get relatives off my back. Then next thing I knew, everyone assumed that I was suddenly crazy about this person and pushed me to be chummy with them in ways that were beyond what I wanted.
    So I would have a heart to heart with your brother- tell him what you would be comfortable with, if anything then go from there.
    doing things just to make your brother happy can easily make for a relationship with dad based on dishonesty.GL!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • If you try to work it out and it goes wrong AGAIN your brother will still worry. There is only so much you can do. Believe me I know. I don't talk to my father either. He is an abusive piece of crap that will always blame everything on everybody else. I have given him chance after chance. He has messed it up. You need to do what is best for you and your family(kids).


    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 11:32 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Your brother is still a child. Tell him a family is not something you can fix. Either it works or it doesn't. If he is not even willing to listen to your entire side of the story just nod and smile and go on about your business. You don't have to convince him that you are right and you certainly don't need the approval of a 19 yr old to conduct your life. The day that your father calls you to apologize and you hang up on him is the day that your brother has any business saying boo to you.  Just tell him everything will be fine and ingore it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • No. Your brother is only in charge of his own relationship with your dad. You make the decisions about your relationship with your dad. Your brother has to understand that.

    Answer by Pnukey at 2:56 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • op here. My brother has found a very deep relationship with Jesus and the church. I do not have that. Do any of you think that maybe he is pushing me to have a relationship with my dad because of his religious views? I know he believes you should have forgiveness in your heart. I know that my dad has treated my brother pretty shitty in the past as well. Why can't my brother look past God or Jesus or whatever and see how shitty my dad really is? Why are people this way?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • OP: that could be why he wants you to work things out with your father. It's easier to preach about forgiveness than it is to forgive. Some people don't deserve forgiveness.


    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 11:43 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

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