Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Major problem with my adult daughter ?

Hello. i have a 20 year old daughter who lives with me. she's known to drink(though she is underage) and party , her father is out of the pic for 5 years, couple days ago i found out she tried Meth with her friend and i freaked out and took away her new car keys ( i bought it for her) and grounded her for a week and to make sure she stays put i told her she has to submit to this grounding or she'll never see her car again., do you think i was too harsh? she says it was a one time incident but am very worried and people told me to kick her out but thats not what i want to do as i dont want her dead on the streets,now its meth god knows what next if she is out of the house, what do you think i should do? and was i hard on her for doing this???
:( please help am worried...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Mar. 17, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (25)
  • You were not too hard on her - truly, I would have taken her car away for more than a week. Meth is nasty stuff.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:35 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • i would say meth is probably the worst drug she could do. maybe you should find a center with people that are recovering and let her talk to them and see how cracked out they are.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:38 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • There is a show on TV call "Addicted" see it with her. You need to tell her, her friend is not her friend if they gave her a hard drug like that meth.
    Yes she is to old to be punished like this, What you need to do is freak out and tell why you are so angry and get on the internet and show her stories of what happens when this drug takes over.
    Ask her why would she do this to herself, Why would she even try it? that is very important to find out. And make her think twice before doing anything like that again.
    And she should get different friends, good friends would never drag a friend into this.
    I had a best friend who did drugs and she never ask me to do any with her (and never did any in front of me, she had her druggie friends) and that is because she new how hard it is to break away.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:51 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • If she wants to live with you and let you get her a car she needs to follow your rules. If she isn't happy following your rules she knows where the door is. I wish my mother would be this way with my brother. Maybe then he would straiten his butt out.

    JAIRATRACI

    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 10:52 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • @ gammie , i did ask her and she said that her friends brother had some and she and her friend just wanted to try it and that she knows how nasty it is, she wants me to un-ground her and never treat her that way or threaten to take her car and stuff..i dont know what to do with her , am very afraid she'll harm herself if i suffocate her with rules and stuff and at the same time i cant accept her doing drugs ... i dont know..
    teressah

    Answer by teressah at 11:02 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Your daughter is an adult now, and although what she did was very dangerous, she is an adult and she can/will make her own decisions. When she was under 18 you could be mom and ground her and take things away to get what you want out of her, but you cant do that anymore. Now, if you piss her off, she can pack up and leave. By treating your adult-child like she is 16, you are making yourself her enemy. You need to be her mom and her friend, she should be able to talk to you and confide in you, she won't do that if you don't allow her to make her own choices. I would suggest sitting her down and TALKING to her about it, go over the physical downsides of what she did and at the end of it tell her that you know she is smart and will do the right things in life. Be supportive! 90% of teenagers mess around with drugs at least once!
    allfiller08

    Answer by allfiller08 at 11:09 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • sorry that you are going through this with your daughter! i have 3 kids and i dont know what i would do in that situation! I dont think that you were harsh i think your doing well as in taking her car so she cant have access to go get high! talk to her kids dont do drugs just because she might be doing it because she needs your attention or her dads cause hes not there! talk to her as much as you can and pray! good luck! :)
    gonzalez3

    Answer by gonzalez3 at 11:13 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • how long ago did she do it? she may still be high. You can stay high on meth for days. If you let her go she may go do some more if shes feeling really shitty and especially if she is mad at you. I would keep her grounded.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:20 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Grounding is something you cannot enforce as she's over 18. She can walk out of your house anytime she wants. As for the car, unless she's paying the insurance AND paying you back for the cost of the car...its yours. Keep it as long as you want. Owning a car is a privledge that comes with responsibility and drinking underage and doing drugs is not responsible at all.

    But at 20, unless she is in school fulltime, she needs to be working full time or actively persuing a fulltime job so that she doesn't have the time to be drinking and drugging. Just remember, it doesn't matter what you do at this age, legally she can walk right out of the house.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:22 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • @ shay1130 oh my god ! thank you soo much for that info ! i honestly did not know it stays on for days ! she tried it about 3 days ago . looks like maybe i was right to ground her until the meth wears off .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Mar. 17, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN