Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Divorced and dating...introducing children to new man

I want to be as careful about this as I can so I need some opinions. I have been seeing him for 3 months and have yet to introduce my DD. They have met before but not as mommy's BF. She will be 3 in May so will only understand that mommy isn't with daddy. I know, no making out in front of her or introducing open affection slowly but anyone with thoughts/ideas? Thanks

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Mar. 17, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Others will disagree with me, but I think it depends on you and your relationship, and your child. My boyfriend and I decided he would meet my kids when we had been dating for 3 weeks. He is the first and only man I ever dated that my kids met. My kids were also quite a bit older than your daughter when it happened, so it was different. I didn't have to tell them anything, my oldest son informed me. When I was getting ready for a breakfast date, I had only said I had a meeting, and my oldest informed me I had a date. The best advice I can give is to just go very, very slowly, don't show affection in front of her, and don't try to force their relationship. Let them figure out how they feel about each other and how they want to interact with each other. Also, be sure you're ready to introduce him to your daughter. Don't do it just for convenience or b/c you feel like you "should", do it b/c you feel it's right.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:34 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • No hurry to introduce as mommy's boyfriend or the new man in your life. I did not differentiate with my kids between friends and boyfriends when I was in relationships. Let them develop a relationship with her still considering him a friend of the family until you can see how they take to each other and are ready for a long term commitment with him.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:22 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • I always think it is important for divorced women to introduce new men right away but to do it as "friends". My parents got divorced when I was 17 and 3 weeks later my mom was making out with guys in front of me and my sisters (the youngest was 16). Even at that age it was hard. I think she should get to know him as your friend and if they don't click then he needs to go. When you are ready just ask her if she likes him, then when she says yes just tell her you do too. At that age things need to go very slowly and be introduced carefully. Good luck, I hope all goes well!
    imamommmmyyy

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 2:24 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • I would wait at least a year. 3 months isn't long enough for you to know if this relationship is going anywhere, and you certainly do NOT want her to get attached to someone who won't be around for the long haul. The last thing any child, especially a little girl, needs is to have men come and go from her life. The only benefit for introducing her now is for you and your BF because it would make things easier, but I see absolutely no benefit for your daughter this early on. Good luck.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:26 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Thank you for the thoughts. I have been friends with him for 8 years and they seemed to get along well the couple times we were together but it was in another group. Also, she's still asking about daddy coming home so I don't want to move too fast. time and toddlers, so different for other ages.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • well I'm not divorced, but I am a child of divorced and remarried parents. This is a hard one. IPersonally what I would do if I was in your situation would be meet the person as only a friend and make sure there is no affection in front of teh child (even holding hands). When you are engaged than maybe showing affection would be ok once it is really talked about and understood wuth the child before it takes place (so there would be no surprise or emotional outburst)
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:28 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Thank you imamommmmyyy and Precious333...a child of divorced parents opinion is helpful
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Thank you BUSYLOVINGHIM. That's why I was asking opinions, so I could get some thoughts on how to proceed and not jump ahead of the situation and confuse her further.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • i agree with all of the above answers. i think they've all got it down. but maybe wait a little longer to introduce him to her as just friends. everyone seems like such a great catch at 3 months, but a few months later they turn into jackasses that you wish you would have never met, let alone have introduced to your child. especially because you have a little girl. she doesn't need men walking in and out of her life and seeing them walk in and out of yours. but when you do decide to introduce him, start it out as friends and see if they can get along. and please make sure you always put your dd first! i'm not saying you won't. your question just makes me think of my friend who introduces new men to her children after dating only a week. they even call them daddy.. it makes me sad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

  • Thank you anon. good thoughts. I've known the guy for 14 years been friends for 8 of them. I want to make sure that I am not confusing my dd too. Also, I understand your concerns about having men in and out of her life so Idon't want to go there. But, she only has one daddy so you can ease your mind on that one...he is a good dad, we just weren't meant to be married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Mar. 17, 2010

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN