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Do you think you have the right to change your DH/SO?

Reading some of these questions I often wonder why women think they can change their men. What gives you the right to try to ban them from doing anything. If they tried to ban you from doing something wouldn't you hate their attempts? Then why do women try to control what their DH does? If you can't stand what your BF is doing now, don't marry him. Trying to change a man will NEVER work. Moreover, you should ask yourself what your reaction would be if he tried to change you.


Asked by SalemWitchChild at 8:12 PM on Mar. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (15,594 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • Thank you.

    If you don't love him just as he is, weird quirks, bad habits, porn watching, and all... you had no right allowing him to put a ring on your finger.

    My argument is usually "Would you be offended if he said you were fat, HAD to diet & exercise or he would be unhappy with you? OK, so why are you trying to change who HE is?"

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:31 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • The only person you can change is yourself. If a person promises to "change" for you, then that person is NOT being true to themselves. Why would you want someone who isn't being 100% true to themselves...because if they can't be true to themselvs they can't be true to YOU. If you dont like/love your man the way he is, find a different one.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • It takes more than one person to raise a child. In our society it used to be a man and a woman would decide if they could stand each other, get married, get pregnant, and then raise the baby together. Not so much any more. Women get pregnant and then find out what he is like. It may be possible for him or her to change so that they can be married and everything be happily ever after.

    I've changed.

    Answer by Gailll at 8:20 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • If you need to change somebody what are you doing with them in the first place? How can you truely love someone if you want them to be different?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • I've changed too, and so has my husband, but we've changed together, and it's not because one of us found need for the other to change. People change as they mature.
    I think the poster of this question is probably the smartest voice I've heard this topic :)

    Answer by StellarJKD at 8:23 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • I don't know why some women even think that they CAN change another person.

    We can not change another person.. Period.. No matter who bad we may want to.. It just can't be done.

    The only way a person changes is if THEY THEMSELVES CHOOOSE to change.. That's it...

    Far too many women set themselves up for heartaches and headaches they do not want nor do they need because they foolishly believe they can change some man..

    Answer by pixie_trix at 8:24 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • Nope! If I had wanted someone different, I should have married someone different. I had no delusions that anything I didn't like before would just go away because we got married.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • Yeah I get so sick of hearing how "I know if we get married I can make him change". If whatever it is he does bothers you that much believe me marriage just magnifies it, it doesnt change a thing! If you get married with the intention of changing him, you might as well just call him the Starter Husband because you are destine to end up unhappy or divorced.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • OP, I see where you are coming from. If a person is a drinker, a smoker or loves to watch porn before marriage a person has no right to demand change after marriage. However, most find out after the fact or after having children together and he all of a sudden wants nothing to do with them. Of course she would want him to change, not who he is but his behavior.. If my DH became a drinker after years of not being one and it began to interfere with his work or our relationship I have every right to "WANT" him to change back to who he was before. That does not mean it will happen. Sometimes people do change for the better and sometimes for the worst. It is not black and white. There is a lot of grey area. Bottom line, people do and can change over time, their views, values, habits etc.. can all change without warning. Nothing or no one stays 100% the same.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 8:40 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • I know that I have grown and changed in some ways and I expect DH to grow as well. What's wrong with dropping bad habots and becoming a better person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Mar. 18, 2010