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Do you know it should be an interview?

I just got to thinking about expectant couples and meeting perspective adoptive parents....and I don't think some PAP's realize this is more than a meet and greet. This is a true interview. It should be anyway IMHO. It should be about you (the PAP) interviewing for the awsome job of being a parent.

What are some questions you would ask if you were placing your child today? Many expectant women placing a child do visit this forum and I thought they might be able to get some good advice on additional questions to ask.

I would ask: about their politics, their parenting philosophy, past traumas and how they coped, their views on sex and sexuality, spirituality, what they aruge about as a couple, diet/nutruition, activity levels, hobbies, natural talents.....so much. And I don't want one line answers. I want in depth discussions. But our advice given was to stay away from those controversial topics b/c they might not

 
frogdawg

Asked by frogdawg at 9:46 PM on Mar. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Level 25 (24,269 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I'm considering placing my child for adoption and all the questions on paper and pictures are not as good as seeing how they are in real life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • pick us. I think if I am going to raise a child then I need to know where I am with the things that are important to me. If I am going to have a women trust me to raise her child, for her child to become my child, she needs to know where I am on the topics important to her. I would even ask about cleaning supplies. Since I do all organic I wouldn't want a child I placed with a family who didn't care about the enviornment or the impact it had on personal health.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:49 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • The only reason why I say PAP's don't realize it is an interview....I don't think they expect in depth questions because many of us are told to stay away from those big issues.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:50 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • I think you're right that paps are told not to bring up certain topics. I know while I was interviewing Danny's aparents if the subject got too heavy or political the SW stopped the conversation and changed the subject. But, I'm sorry frogdawg, I can't answer your question because I'm afraid of helping a pap getting a woman to relinquish. The only question I tell prospective bmoms is to ask the paps how they feel about open adoption, and pay full attention to the answer. I'd also suggest that they ask "if I trust you with my child, will you trust me with all your personal information including phone numbers, address and social security number?"
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 11:27 PM on Mar. 18, 2010

  • Are you kidding? We were asked 6 pages of questions, single spaced, containing questions from "what was your relationship like with your siblings" to "how do you argue" to "what are your views about religion?" I spent a month answering all of those questions, and my response was approximately 30 pages. And that was the 1st set of questions. It didn't even touch on general stuff such as "what do you do for a living?"

    If you want that much control over how your child is raised, and you are concerned that you will not agree with the adoptive parents' lifestyle, perhaps you shouldn't put your child up for adoption. Yes you are trusting the adoptive parent to raise your child, but it sounds like you're incapable of that trust to begin with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • ANON 11;12,P.M. Chill there..WHY the defensiveness. This is as important as surrendering a child itself. Turn your reply around for one moment; This is about finding parents for a newborn baby( most cases),that is given NO VOICE to being relinquished to complete strangers. I would think that as a young woman wishing nothing more than to become a Mommy, that woman would answer ANY and ALL questions she needed to....this IS NOT finding a home for a PUPPY! I wish to the GODS above, I could have had this info, did not..so therefore lets do what it TAKES to make this adoption journey...work! ANON, don't want to answer anymore questions, quit posting ANON, so young expectant women can pass you on by! Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:53 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Considering I couldnt be trusted to even know the name of the town the people lived in...well...that says a lot about how much trust people have in birthmoms.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Anon :08. Before you signed the papers you had all the power. If they wouldn't trust you with their personal information, then you should have found someone else who would. I understand how difficult it can be for women in crisis pregnancy to stick up for themselves. Let this be a lesson to others that come after you.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:30 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • OTT: It was common practice in the time my adoption occurred that information such as last names & addresses were NOT given to the birth mom. And you were 100% led to believe that you were NOT allowed to have that information.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Name, address and phone number I would have no problem passing on and in fact the birth grandmother (mom was dead) did have them but to pass on my social security number to ANYONE is going to far. Yes the bmom is entrusting their child to you but that does not mean that they should have the one thing that doesn't even have to go on your drivers license anymore. It's the one thing that can steal your identity down the road. That's not to say that bmom isn't good but what about the boyfriend /friend/neighbor/etc that comes across it? I don't put it on anything that I don't have to and would not give it to anyone just because they want me to trust them. The PAP's should not ask to be given her social security number either as that is a means to steal her ID or track her down if she decides to back out or wants no further contact.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 3:42 PM on Mar. 19, 2010