Please Help Me!!!

You're not a bad mom! Kids do crazy things. I have a couple ideas. What about telling her you will not help her, give her what she wants etc.. until she speaks and tells you, eventually she would have to speak up. If she isn't doing what she is told I would continue putting her in time outs, even if you are doing it all day long. Or start taking toys away every time she refuses to do what she is told or refuses to speak. Tell her if she keeps doing it she won't have any toys left to play with.

On the picking up toys, would this work? You say: I think I can find the most red toys, Oh now I can find the most blue toys, worked great with a class full of preschoolers, hope it'll work for you.

She isn't talking at all, just pointing at four years old? Has she been tested for possible development setbacks? (For lack of better phrasing) Try time outs, try taking toys/favorite things away, you can even try an award chart.

ok i have a 5 yr old and i parent her as my mother did me. i dont tolerate disrespect from a child. she and i laugh, and giggle, and play but she knows when i mean business. i am strictly a 3 strikes and ur out person with her bc thats what works. the first time is a notice to stop whatever she is doing/do what she is told, the second time is to remind of what happens when the rules arent followed, and the third is taking away tv time or even a spanking. i rarely have to speak to her more than once bc she knows the consequences! she loves watching a movie after school, and that is her most hated form of discipline. or if she has been particularly unruly she will be on punishment for a day, or a few hours until she has learned from it! it works for her