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getting over an ex

i was miserable in my marriage, constantly let down, hurt, cheated, stolen from, lied to over over and over again.. i have a new boyfriend who is the opposite, am newly preg, (oops, trust me) and this time the guy is a provider, honest, loyal, and smart. He is so excited about the life we are starting but i am not healed from the one i left. a part of me is still wishing that my ex had straightened up earlier and that i had just stayed with him; after seven years of a bad relationship, i forced myself to leave... but i hate being "divorced" and i still love him. we have a son together so i still have to see him sometimes and talk to him sometimes. he asks for my advice on girls and talks about going out and "i may be hungover at (our son's) soccer game cuz i am going out with Rich tomorrow night" i hate him and i miss him at once, i wish he had changed his behavior, i wish he had stopped yelling and lying. how do i heal

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 AM on Mar. 19, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Listen to the song "remember that" by Jessica Simpson. Cheesy advice, I know, but music helps me sometimes, especially when I can relate.

    I've been in your shoes...I divorced my ex husband because he was a lying, abusive, alcoholic (he was apparently hiding all that when married him). It took a while to get over him...and i'm the one who divorced him! When you marry for love, it's hard to let go when you know the relationship is toxic. You need to remember how miserable he made you. How he took a dump on your wedding vows when he cheated on you. How humiliating it is to be treated so poorly by the man you married. Go to counseling..sounds like you haven't delt with these issues. Focus on your child, your unborn baby, and your current relationship. I wish you the best of luck.
    milfalicious08

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 2:42 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • you said cheated correct? i think you need to remember that
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 2:10 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • You need to look at what you have going in life now and see how happy your child is now-a-days. Remember the cheating nights, remember the lies remember how you felt when you were with him did you feel alone alot? Did you wish that things were different alot? You sound like you have a good guy that cares and loves you and your child and unborn child don't break it if it's not broken.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • uh what the heck are you doing in a second relationship when clearly you still love the first.

    Stop conversing with your ex if you won't get counseling to be with him.

    Your cheating on your new lover by loving your guy who cheated you out of a happy life.

    If that's not mixed up nothing is.

    Stop focusing on your ego and focus on what is morally right for your new baby. Maybe that means back with your ex as a father figure with new baby. But only counseling will help you to mature and face the truth of what has to be done.

    You're messing up your new baby and your other child by lying to two different boyfriends. You're treating yourself as if you're the mistress of the first bf, your now ex who you really want after all.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:20 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Don't romanticize what it could have been remember what it was. There is a reason he's an ex, there is a reason that it didn't work out and stay in that place. I know that it's hard especially if he was your first love but you have to remember that it wasn't right or you would still be together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Anytime you feel weak, remember the pain he put you through, remember the cheating, and know that your son will now have a healthy relationship to learn right and wrong from. Anytime you worry about your ex moving on and finding someone new, dismiss jealousy and go straight to felling sorry for the girl... c'mon the guy cheats, steals, & lies; that girl is in for a lot of pain. He lost your trust and even if you gave him 100 more tries it would never be how you dream it would -after that much damage it's impossible. Let yourself be happy and enjoy this fresh start with a guy that treats you like you deserve, your ex could never give you a clean slate like this. Good luck and congratulations!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • First, if you are not over your EX. Why are you with a NEW MAN having his baby? JMO. You should get over your EX before getting into another relationship. Does your NEW MAN know you are not over your EX yet?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:00 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • You'll get over him, trust me it just takes time.
    Be sure you love the one you're with though.
    Remind yourself of why you left your ex, the
    bad outwieghs the good. Good Luck : )
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:08 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Wow, my ex was the same way & getting over him was the easiest thing ever. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor to figure out why you would still have feelings for somone who can so easily treat you horribly. There may be a reflection of your self esteem here. Only a women w/ a low self image would allow themselves to have feelings for someone who cannot treat them with respect.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:14 AM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • It's a toxic relationship. Look up that term and see if there are some good suggestions. Also, there is a book called How To Fall Out of Love (I forgot the author's name). I bought one for a dollar online so it's an older book, maybe the library has a copy. It's an easy read. I'm guessing you are Co-dependent and don't want to break from the one who drives you the craziest. been there, done that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Mar. 19, 2010