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Should I go out?

Had a baby almost 5 months ago. I never go out with friends because of distance & because my husbands always gets me on a guilt trip. One time he made me feel like I was abandoning him, he says what about him. He just always makes me feel bad about wanting to go out with my friends or even my nieces who are in their mid 20's and just want to take me out to the movies or even just shopping at the mall. He just gets a lot of attitude with me sometimes he'll ask me if I just want go whore around & cheat on him. I don't know what to do, I get so stressed out & just end up not going anywhere & just cry about it. I've never given him a reason not to trust me. My neice invited me to go see Alice in wonderland w/ her friends I asked him what he thought & he says is that why you want to stop breast feeding so you can go out all the time & said in a bad tone! I don't know what to do. What should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Mar. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I would start going out, you can't spend every minute at home. If you start letting him controll what you do now it will only get worse, and possibly abusive.
    awelling

    Answer by awelling at 2:12 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • He's jealous and controlling (and immature). Keep an eye on him; that type of behavior only gets worse.

    Does HE get to go out with HIS friends?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • I would do whatever I knew/felt was right.
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 2:17 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Go. And tell your husband to go f%ck himself with that bullshit. Men get like that after their partner has a baby because all of a sudden it's NOT ALL ABOUT THEM ANYMORE! Deep down they are all spoiled little children who want their own way all the time. YOU have to tell him he can't have that and that he needs to grow the hell up. HE obviously doesn't give a rats ass about your mental well being...so I say he doesn't get a say in what you do.
    What a jerk.
    MizusT

    Answer by MizusT at 2:18 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Do you ever make time to go out with him? Maybe he feels like all the plans you are making don't include him. If you do in fact make date nights with him and he has no reason to feel left out then I would say he is a bit controlling. Otherwise try to put him first then he'll be more open to you going out with friends.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:36 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Maybe he just wants you to do things with him. There was no mention of that happening, and if it's not, he has every right to be aggravated with you. Men tend to feel like they become second fiddle when a baby arrives on the scene, and it is your job to make him know that he is still your top priority. That means you put his happiness above your own and that you make your marriage relationship of a higher priority than your relationship with your baby. Yes, you have to take care of the baby's needs, but that does not excuse you from taking care of your husband's needs as well. If you will spend some time doing that, you will very likely find that he will not care from you going out with your friends during the day while he is at work. Being a mom puts a lot of new demands on a woman, and the way they are handled is what separates the women from the girls. Show your man that you are his woman and that you can handle it!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:45 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • this situation will only get worse. i've been there and it can get pretty ridiculous. put an end to it now.

    KristaRene

    Answer by KristaRene at 4:26 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • oh and i totally disagree with nanny. your top priority should be your children not your husband whom is a grown adult.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • nannyb, that's the stupidest paragraph i've read all week. she shouldn't be expected to take care of his needs. she shouldn't be expected to put her husband and his needs above her baby's or even her's. you're crazy!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • While I agree that time needs to be spent with all members of the family I don't think that his behavior is that of a loving husband who is feeling neglected. OP your husband sounds a little controlling to me, and more than a little immature. Yes, he may have needs, but so do you. A happy mommy who gets out every now and then is one who can do better in the house also. Is he willing to sit down and talk about why he is so opposed to you going out or does he just accuse you and not listen? If he is willing to really talk with you and not at you about his feelings on you social life and be respectful of you as his wife and mother of his child, I say have a nice long heart to heart. If he is not willing, and just accuses you of wanting to do all sorts of things and insults you, red flag. Controlling aggressive behavior does not usually go away, and cannot be fixed by you going along and hoping he will change his mind. GL.
    preacherskid

    Answer by preacherskid at 5:41 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

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