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Why do so many parents refuse to discipline their teenagers?

I hear this a lot:

"Well, they're teens, and they're gonna have sex whether we like it or not...better put them on birth control and hand them condoms!"

Teens are getting out of control these days. Boy-girl slumber parties, dating as early as 13, wearing low-cut blouses and skin-tight pants, staying out all night and coming home whenever they feel like it, cussing at their parents and generally disrespecting them...what the heck is going on?

Why are so many parents flat-out refusing to be PARENTS to these kids? Why is it hard to tell a kid they WON'T be having sex (for example)? Teens are not out of control, horny beasts. Why can't they be taught self-control and respect for their bodies?

Any comments?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Mar. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Parents have forgotten thatthey are supposed to be in charge, not the kids. And they don't take the time to TALK with their kids. And they don't expect their kids to be at home when they are not in school or particpating in school activities such as sports. When I was growing up, I KNEW what I was supposed to do. I stayed home. We had NO co-ed sleepovers. WTH? COED????? And NO sex. No talking back, no staying out late, no drinking,etc. My kids were raised the same way. They didn't have sex or get in any kind of trouble. We always knew where they were. Any disobedience and they were grounded. Oh, and we DID NOT BEAT THEM! LOL. I mean, you might as well just give up on your kids if you beat them. It is damaging. It makes them sneak around and get into even more trouble because they do not respect you if you beat them.
    PARENTS are the ones in charge! RULES! Keep them home, studying and doing normal,wholesome things.
    Lindalu2

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 8:26 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Laziness, irresponsible, lacking parental skills...take your pick
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:51 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • My son is going to a boy-girl slumber party tonight. He wears skintight pants and he was "dating". He is 14. However, the parents are very strict, nothing will happen with mom and dad right there. His pants are skinny pants and not "provacative" at all. He only saw the girl at school and church. So, don't judge if you don't know the facts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • IM 21 SO I WAS A TEEN NOT TOO LONG AGO, I NEVER DARED DISPESPECT MY PARENTS, ALSO MY PARENTS BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME BETWEEN 5 AND 14 SO I SERIOUSLY DIDNT WANT TO HAVE SEX OR ANYTHING, PEOPLE JUST THINK THAT ITS UNACCEPTABLE TO ACT LIKE THAT TOWARD YOUR CHILDREN, BUT GUESS WHAT I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS AND LOVE THEM A LOT, IM THANKFULL FOR THE BELT, KEPT ME FROM BEING STUPID
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • not every parent, but defenately some parents are wayyyyyy too permissive with their teens and i am not sure why... are they afraid they will leave? afraid of turning into thier parents? i dont know...but i hope to keep mine under control when he joins the ranks of terror teens...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Anon so the parents are going to be sleeping in the same room with the kids? Or the Dad with the boys and the Mom with the girls? I think not. There will be more going on at that party then you think. Boy girl sleepovers are a very bad idea. It's just asking for trouble. I'm so Glad I never let my older one go to any. I've found recently exactly what did happen at these parties from My kids. They of course found out from their friends. One girl had even gotten pregnant at one. It the first and only time she did anything. Felt pressured by the crowd. My kids have recently thanked me for not allowing it.

    oldermomof5

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 9:11 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • It could be many things. Sometimes the parents feel that if they see their "perfect little angels" doing things they shouldn't be, they take that as a reflection of themselves and therefore avoid the issues altogether. Then you have the parents that want to be the "cool" parent that let's their kid do whatever they want...Bad move! There is also the fact that nowadays, the system is working in the teens' advantage. My younger sister, for example, always got what she wanted. The one time she didn't, she threw a glass of water in my mom's face, called her a bitch. My mom slapped her in the mouth and my sister called the cops on her. CPS was at the house real quick. I had it the hardest out of all my siblings. Got my ass beat, had to work hard for everything I wanted, had to grow up fast and learn that the real world is a harsh one. I am the only one out of the four of us without a criminal record. Do the math lol.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 9:14 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • Because too many parents think that once puberty is over and high school has begun, that their job is over. NOT TRUE!!!
    Would I allow my 15 yr old daughter to attend a boy/girl slumber party at her age...HELL NO!!! Does she have her learner's permit? YES, but only after demonstrating through grades and decisions of friends that she's responsible enough to handle the PRIVILEDGE of driving.
    Would I let ANY of my childrn attend a boy/girl slumber party NOT sponsored by my own church? HELL NO...and even at the church they are seperated by gender at night with chaperones that stay up and monitor all night.
    Do I continue to parent my children as they head into teenage and adult years? YES, I'm just not as intrusive as one has to be in the younger years.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:45 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • I have 2 teens. I don't think it's something new that starts to happen once the kids become teens. I think the parents who let their teens do that are also the parents that said "well, kids will be kids, so I'm not going to say anything to them about how they just ripped out all your flowers in the flowerbed by your door", or the ones who say "well, I know they stole the candy bar from the store, but they're too little to understand, and they already had it half eaten when I noticed, so I just let them have it." Or "they always get a toy when we go to the store, otherwise they get so upset, and I don't want to listen to them scream."

    The teens who have no boundaries are just the natural progression of children who had no boundaries. It's just that the older they get, the more they interact with the outside (and often "adult") world, so the more it's noticed by people who aren't in their immediate social / family circle.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:48 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

  • cont

    I'm going to add though that even if you parent, teach them what they need to do, etc, then that doesn't mean that they aren't going to make bad choices - just like the kid whose mom doesn't always say yes is still going to push their luck and test the boundaries and see if throwing that fit will work. Same with teens - sometimes, they will still push the boundaries, do things they shouldn't, etc. But, they need to know there are consequences - good and bad.

    I wouldn't put my teens on b/c automatically. But, if one were to come to me and ask for it - then, while I would discourage sex, I wouldn't refuse it, because, if they're actually going to ask me for the b/c, then they've already made that choice. As I tell them, sex as a teen is a BAD choice (for lots of reasons), but if you're going to be stupid, don't make it worse by being unsafe as well.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:52 PM on Mar. 19, 2010

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