Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I don't agree with this, but how do I explain it?

My friend has a 2 year old...whom she rarely sees. She lives with her and has legal custody and all that but is hardly ever actually caring for her. Her daughter is always either with a grandparent, a friend, or a babysitter. I think she watches her daughter maybe 2 days out of the week for a few hours and during most of that time she is sleeping. The time she is away from her daughter is usually out partying. Her daughter is very well cared for by the people who are watching after her, and she is not without anything - except her mother. I can't call abuse or neglect because that is far from the case. It just seems like she only baby sits her own daughter occassionally but she is actually being raised by others. The time she is away from her How can I explain that her child needs her MOTHER?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Mar. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • This is so sad =(

    Answer by Crystal8327 at 12:25 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • That is sad, and unfortunately, that is the case for a lot of kids out there. Once you have a child, there is a maturing that is supposed to happen to that child's parent/s, and a bonding that is also supposed to occur. But sometimes that doesn't happen. So then you wind up with a mother who is so selfish and immature that she would rather go out and party, while her poor little baby is shoved off to tons of different people. I just could never understand how people can do this. I have a 7 month old and it literally breaks my heart to leave him even for an hour. I HATE it and won't leave him unless I have no choice. I have not gone out with friends a single time since he's been born...and I don't want to either. But anyways...I don't know if there's much you can do. I doubt your friend is going to be happy about anything you'd have to say to her on this subject.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:35 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I would just tell her how it is, she will either realize your right and pull her head out of her ass and do the right thing, or she will just get mad at you or just blow it off, hopefully she does the right thing cuz that's just depressing.


    Answer by looovemybabies at 12:36 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Some people will just never get it.

    Answer by BlooBird at 12:49 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • she probably won't listen to you. But sit her down and just say it straight out. Her daughter needs her, and she needs her to grow up and be a mommy. YOu can give her your opinion, but its up to her to make the changes.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 2:00 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Thats sad. I dont really think there is much you can do though. I mean shes not doing anything illegal just stupid. If you really feel the need to say something I would just tell her exactly how you feel, you might want to expect her to not want to be your friend though. Most people dont take well to being told how to raise their childern.

    Answer by Sophie4910 at 2:01 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Thats really sad. I would ask how old she is but that is not an excuse. I had my first baby boy and 17 and I did everything in my power to show him what a great mommy I was. I graduated top of my class, as a texas scholar and with a scholarship. Your friend needs to get it in gear. She's a mommy now! She's setting an example that her baby will look back on in the future.

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 2:06 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • It's horrible for her to do that, but you should probably stay out of it. If you feel like you HAVE to say something, be prepared to lose a friendship. If she's been doing it for this long, she's probably not going to take very kindly to you calling her out on her (stupid, immature) behavior. If she won't take responsibility for her own child, she probably won't take responsibility for her actions either, unfortunately :-\ Honestly, I could see her blowing up at you & making some sort of excuse for you hating her behavior, like you are jealous of her life (or something dumb to that effect). Sorry to say it, but I doubt it will change anything.
    Is there anyone who would want to petition for custody of her DD to give her a more stable environment?

    Answer by emslala at 3:11 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I don't think there is anything to explain, here. It's pretty cut and dry. Who are you trying to explain it to? The mother? Odds are she is already aware of what she is doing. If you say something to her about it she'll just get angry with you. At least that child has a family that is picking up on this mother's slack. A lot of children don't even have that.

    My nephew is being raised by my parents. His bond to my mother is stronger than his bond to anyone else and he is coming along very well adjusted and happy. It's not ideal, but it can work. My mother over heard one kid asking my nephew at school "You're Mema is here. Why do you live with her instead of with your Mommy and Daddy like I do?" And my nephew answered very nonchalant "I don't know, I was just born that way."

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:02 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • As sad as it is, stay out of it. You cannot help your friend realize the damage she is doing to her child. Where is the child's father in all of this? If he is involved and doesn't know what mommy dearest is doing, he needs to be told. Be happy that there are people in this child's life that do care.

    My mother over heard one kid asking my nephew at school "You're Mema is here. Why do you live with her instead of with your Mommy and Daddy like I do?" And my nephew answered very nonchalant "I don't know, I was just born that way."

    I LOVE the answer this child gave!!! Kids can be so smart sometimes.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:38 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.