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Why won't my husband have sex with me

I'm very depressed and hurt by the situation and embarrassed.
We have been married for about 18 months and he just isn't interested in sex. He says it's just him (lowered drive) but he's only 30. I'm only 24 and have a pretty high sex drive. Id be happy with at least 4 or 5 times a week (have the desire everyday).
I thought maybe it was depression and we went to doctor and he said he didn't think he was, although he shows classic signs.
Other things make me think its physical or mental. When I canb actually get him in the mood (maybe once a month if I'm lucky he most of the time gets into the foreplay and then will get an erection but it goes soft pretty much as soon as he tries to enter. He loses it completely and then gets all pissed off and mad at himself.
He says it isn't me but I'm not sure. Before we got married I said no sex before marriage and he was upset about that and wouldn't even make out or mess around


Asked by SugarMags at 5:56 AM on Mar. 20, 2010 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • have him start with a doc appt. this sounds like a combo of physical issue and emoptional issue too. its nothing you can fix either way-its nto you.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:30 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • have him get is prostate checked also his hormones.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 6:04 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • It sounds like he has perfomance issues that he is working through... be supportive and let him know you enjoy the forplay anyway. I would have him check his hormones and stuff. I doubt highly that it has anything to do with your descision to abstain from premarital sex. He could just be stressed out that lowers a mans libido and if he has issues preforming then that would make it worse.

    Answer by Tf1990 at 6:08 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • it could be low self esteem or a previous encounter that scarred him. get onto adam and buy you a small vibrator and then have him come in the room and you play with yourself so that he can see. after awhile ask him to come and help. see if that works. it did for me. but dont go crazy. and buy a toy that is smaller then his size. you dont want to lower his self esteem more if that is what it is.

    Answer by mrscoty at 6:13 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I would def make an appt with the urologist and have him checked. I think it's pretty normal to have "performance" problems on occasion but if you guys don't have sex but once a mth seems like he'd be ready to go! If he is under a lot of stress that can cause it too. In the meantime take care of yourself. We don't need a man (although nice) to have our big "O"!

    Answer by rlhall1980 at 7:17 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • My friend and I came to the conclusion that sex is overrated. Im 27 and in good health and my sex drive is like your husbands. At your age, which wasn't long ago, I was getting it EVERYDAY. Then you find other interests and sex is just sex.

    Answer by Queentdi at 7:18 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • He needs to talk to the Dr and get some answers sounds like it is osmething that will only get worse as time goes on(mentally mostly)

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 7:18 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Could he be an undiagnosed diabetic?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • i am in the same boat hun. i try not to push him for any anymore i don't know what to do either. atleast now i don't feel as bad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • sounds like a erection problem to me - sounds a lot like the scenerio they set up for charlotte and craig on sex in the city-
    where samantha told her before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive.

    but I'd get some counseling-

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Mar. 20, 2010