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Did i handle this the right way?

so I found out last night my husband is flirting with his best friends sister who happens to be married with a child. So instead of getting pissed like i usually do i just let myself sleep off the hurt and then told him this morning that we needed to set a few bounderies. I said that he needs to stop talking to the sister and will no longer be able to go to his friends house since I dont know if she will be there or not.
He got pretty upset with me and so i said I am not the one who decided to flirt with my best friends sister. He has done this in the past when i was pregnant with our second son and i am now 35 weeks and he is doing it again.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Mar. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • ok ok breathe a second...its his best friend-you telling him he cannot go there is NOT gonna work out for you at all. not saying he is right but just saying you cant cut off his best friend, he wont go for it.
    as for the flirting, the sister isnt the problem, dh is. If he is "flirting" with one chances re he is flirting with others too-she just happens to be there. or if it is just her...why is that? you need to dig deeper than you have on this. ask why he needs to do that. But please be honest with yourself too... are you too possessive, jealous? not judgeing , just asking as I dont know you and some women consider their man having a conversation with another woman flirting, kwim? good luck and remember trying to make him give up his friends over jealousy? prolly not going to go well for you. :(
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:22 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • He's a big boy. You can't tell him what do to do.
    ArkTech

    Answer by ArkTech at 10:22 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Well first i am not telling him he cant be friends with the guy anymore (sorry i wasnt clear on that) I just dont want him to go over there if the sister is gonna be there. I dont mind if the friend comes over at all. I may be a little jealous but this has happened to me before. They both werer flirting also cause i was looking at all the texts they sent each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Tell the lady's husband, stick to your guns about your man cutting all contact with her, and if he refuses, leave. It's as simple as that. He has done this to you in the past, you stay and continue to get pregnant by him, he knows that he can walk all over you. Show him how strong you are, show him that this behaviour will not be tolerated.

    -xoxo-

    Answer by -xoxo- at 10:31 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • why don't you try talking to the friend and tell him that as long as his sister is over their that your DH isn't going to be aloud over their and explain to him why you feel this way. Maybe then his best friend will talk to his sister and maybe he will tell her not to come over why'll he is there. They are best friends so I don't think it will work if you tell him not to go over their although if he loved you enough he would respect your wishes also. I would talk to the friend though and see what he says
    mommy5409

    Answer by mommy5409 at 10:34 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • No you didn't handle that right at all.  You should never give him orders!  You should have told him that you were hurt and upset about the way he flirted,  thereby opening the door to a dialogue and hopefully a resolution you can both live with.  Imposing demands will always damage a relationship.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:35 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Honestly Id be upset myself and might have done the same thing you did. However keeping him from this one girl will not solve the problem , If your huband flirts then hes a flirt. He will flirt with someone else... Its a sad reality to women like us who find it inappropriate. You can not keep him away from women , its just unrealistic. I think this is something you and your husband will need to talk about. If its hard to communicate I'd recommend counseling. If this relationship is worth it to you, you will need to learn to #1 live with it or #2 seek counseling to work through this with him. I'm sorry your husbands not being more respectful of you and your feelings about this , but forcing him to stay away from someone doesn't sound like a solution to me.

    marie85

    Answer by marie85 at 10:38 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Yes, She can tell the big boy since he is her husband. Tell him to stay away from her. Shoot. I had someone tell me to stay away from her relative. He is the biggest flirt. But with me he is really bad that people notice and get so jealous. So I stayed away. But yesterday I had to go somewhere where he was and sure enough he was all up in my face and he is driving me crazy...I want him so much that it hurts........he wants me too. But I stay away from him. He is taken and so am I . It is ripping my heart apart. You did the right thing. You know what will happen if he doesn't. It has nothing to do with sex. There is just a chemical reaction that certain people have on others that happens like every 10, 20 years and it is really amazing.....But tell him to keep away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I think how you handled it was amazing. I would not have been able to keep calm like that. I think your request is more than reasonable. I also think you have every right to tell your husband who the heck to stay away from. He's your husband and his behavior is not "husband-like". Do you think he will honor your request though???
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 11:29 AM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I agree with Beeky, by your taking on the role of mommy you put yourself (in his eyes) of no longer being the hurt party but someone controlling him, your no longer putting him on an equal footing as a responsible adult but as a rebellious child and he will take on the role you put him in and he will rebel because you can't control him since he is an adult.
    lisarose45

    Answer by lisarose45 at 1:30 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

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