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Is he a lazy dad or just a young guy??

My SO and I are in our early 20s and have a 14 month old.
I get so frustrated with my SO because he feels since I am the mother I should tend to the baby more.
He stays up until 3am everyday playing videogames, he gives the baby his bottle when he wakes up while he's up, but if it is more effort that that (like rocking him) he will wake me up to do it. I wake up with the baby in the morning while he sleeps in until 11 or so. He does clean the house and wash dishes but I wish he'd put more effort in our son. It is his loss he is not building the relationship, but I wish he's step in when I'm emotionally exhausted. What can I do? Does anyone else struggle with something similar?


Asked by sassy_brizzy at 3:07 PM on Mar. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,835 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Most men don't realize how trying a baby can be. Sit down with him and first off, thank him for helping with the housework (you got lucky in that aspect). You might have to ask him point-blank why he doesn't spend more time with his son. It could be as simple as he's not sure how to act around the child, or how to hold him right. If that's the case, show him how to hold the baby and encourage him to play with your son. He could read to him or just sit and talk. My dd loves to sit in her daddys lap while he's playing video games, and that counts as they're bonding time. Just take it step by step and I'm sure that eventually these days will be a distant memory. Good luck!

    Answer by AmberBrat at 3:22 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • This happend when we just had our baby. Granted he was 17 and I was 18 but still you have a baby time to grow up. After a month of doing everything myself including working and him sitting on his ass I had enough. This worked for me, I went into the living room unplugged the xbox told him taht I was tired of doing everything and its his turn. I went to bed at 10 at 5 am he wakes me up and tells me that he is sorry and he had no idea, and he cant take anymore tonight. Once they see how hard it is they change their tune real quick like.

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 3:21 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Well, Idk, I'd need to know more about the situation. My DH is the same age, and does mostly what yours does, except he works 12 hours a day, and I stay at home, so I'm okay with him waking me up for the baby, since he needs down time. If you're both working, it should be equal.

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 3:21 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I think most guys are this way. They just assume the mom should do all the work. I havent had my baby yet im due in 3 weeks so idk if my DH will be like this but it seems like most guys are.

    Answer by Sophie4910 at 3:21 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • I don't think age makes a difference, if you have a kid you take care of him or her.

    Answer by awelling at 3:37 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • My DH is 24 and he does just as much and sometimes more than I do with our DD because he knows that she is also his responsibility and that I take care of her all day while he works. I try not to wake him on work nights but she rarely wakes at night. When she was first born he was working 4, 10 hour shifts like now and he was still up helping me take care of her, he'd change her diaper I would BF. It has nothing to do with age but responsibility. He needs to realize that he is equally responsible for his kid, and that if he continues his immature behavior he won't have a wife and kid to worry about.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 4:14 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • He's a lazy father. It doesn't have to do with him being a young father.
    My DH is now 29 .. When our son was born (he's one year) DH said "My responsibility is going to work and bringing home the paycheck. I shouldn't have to do any more then that." I think he still believes that is his only 'job' in the household, but through a lot of arguments he has stopped saying that. He helps out a lot more, though still not as much as I think he should. I still have to wrangle him up like a child to get him to get one of our children. It's a battle that's for sure.

    My mom said that it took until they're second child for my dad to realize that being a parent isn't as easy as he had thought. That there is a lot of work that goes into it, and it is a lot easier when both parents do their part. Let your SO know that the household, including the children is 50/50 responsibility.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:43 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Guy's think housework and babies are women's work. I guess you will just have to deal with it like other mothers do

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Does he work?

    Answer by BJoan at 5:33 PM on Mar. 20, 2010

  • Have you discussed this with him?

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:40 PM on Mar. 20, 2010