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Newly married, how do we divide the responsibilities????

i have 2 kids & recently married the father, & we have been living together for about 2 years now, but we are having issues deciding who does what at home, and financially. i am considered a SAHM, i stopped going to school during the day in order to stay home, and i also took a cut in my hours at work, so i work about 2-3 days a week. he works full time, so he pays a bulk of the bills ( rent, electric, and 1/2 the car) totalling ab $700 a month (which he makes in one paycheck). i pay the small bills (internet, phone, water). but my mom and i have an arrangement where she provides a lot of help for us & helps pay my bills throughout the year in exchange for a lump sum from my tax return so she pays the other bills on my behalf (the other 1/2 of car pymt, the car ins, gas to heat our home). but he always acts like he is the single head of household and i dont do anything! he never wants to help do anything or give me $!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Mar. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • There should not be "your" money and "his" money. It all goes into the same pot, and you have equal access to it. We've always done it that way and we've been happily married for 11 years.

    Answer by Pnukey at 1:42 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Agree with Pnukey.. Thats what we do and it has worked for 18 years for us..

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:45 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Money should never be used as the determining factor for who's head of household. It's jointly owned by both equally. If I were you, I'd set my husband straight on this. My husband got a rude awakening when I got a raise, which increased my salary beyond his. He had worked at his job for 27 years! When I jokingly asked him "Does this make you my B**ch," he hardly thought it was funny. Now as he draws closer to retirement, he is far more accepting that I make double his salary (especially after my mid-life career change). My money is his and vice versa. Please note that I do consider my husband, as Head of House, because God deemed that it be so. Therefore, his word is the final decision. As a Man of God, he understands that this comes with responsibilities.

    Answer by Ewadun at 1:55 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • OP here, well mine is kinda possessive ab his money! he grew up poor and just began making a decent amt of money and he likes to put it away and keep it that way. if we were to share an acct, he would expect to know where every dollar and cent was spent, bc he is that way ab money, if he buys something in the store, he has to call and check his acct balance before he gets home! so sharing from the same pot woulr drive us both crazy!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Maturing as a married couple means sharing as well. Why don't you combine bank accounts and stop calling it his and hers money. I will admit I was terrified to give up my own bank account. It was a HUGE step - bigger than actually saying "I do". Combine the money, make a budget, and stop the his n hers crud.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:38 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • You set this bad idea up 2 yrs ago by accepting this and you want to fix it now? It ain't gonna happen. You do THIS boundary setting BEFORE you play house and have kids. I can't believe you make your mom pay your bills. You are still mommy's dependent but want to make big girl demands of your dh? that's just crazy. Grow up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Having a shared pot for money, may drive you crazy, but divided money like that will kill your marriage too.

    There's lots of budgeting software out there that can help you plan a shared budget, AND literally track every cent you spend. We've been doing just that for years now with Quicken. It's a pretty common practice in lots of marriages to track every cent to see where you're money is going, and to help plan out your financial future.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • My hubs and I have been married 19 yrs and have always had separate accounts. It works out GREAT for us!!! We decided before we married that we wanted to keep things separate, and we discussed how the bills would be paid and divided up. What we do is this-- we each have certain bills that we pay-- although If one of us does come up short and need money we do 'share' or sometimes pay a bill for the other one. We also discuss purchases with each other.
    As for household chores- I am a WAHM so I do most of the chores around the house, although my hubs does help out with things like cooking supper, putting a load of laundry in, he also helps pick up and does some cleaning. My kids also help out-- we have a "chore chart" and each child has a list of his own chores to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • If you have been living together for 2 years now, why are you suddenly at a loss as to how things should be handled? Why are you 2 just now having issues with it? You should have discussed finances and how things would be handled BEFORE moving in together and BEFORE marriage!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

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