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I just kicked all my step kids to the curb. I feel sad but also empowered! Am I wrong?

My step kids are 17, 23(twins) and 25. The whole time I have been with their father they have treated me like crap. I have bent over backwards for them. As of right now their dad has no income and I have been holding down the fort. I am african american. He is white. his ex wife and son have made horrible racist comments to me on several occasions. I have had several birthdays and other holidays ruined. I can honestly say that their mother is the nastiest person I have ever met. I not just because she is the ex. because she really is. I guess the apples did not fall to far from the tree. I have stayed quiet. But tonight I had enough. I told all the kids to never set foot in my home again. I said I was tired of all the racism and tired of them hurting me. They are grown children and this is my home. a place I should feel comfortable. Not in prison. I love their dad but he will just have to see them someone else.. Am I wrong?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Ideally their dad should have stepped up and nipped their attitudes and remarks in the bud when it first started, and not let it get to this point. BUT I am glad that you did stand up for yourself and tell them point blank " I will NOT tolerate this any more!". Good for you! I think you did the right thing, and you are right- it is YOUR house and YOU do not have to put up with being treated like crap in your own home. I am glad that you are not making your husband take sides ('it is me or them') and that you are not 'forbidding' him to see his kids. I do agree that if he wants to see his kids he can see them elsewhere and not at your home.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:27 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • I don't think that taking the stand is wrong. That said, I would never assume that this will be perminate. They may very well grow up. Plus, making it a "forever" deal with your husband may cause big issues. When you talk to him about it, be clear that you love to have them in your life when they can be mature and respectful.
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 8:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • NO! and where is their father??? why doesn't he say something.... I would talk to him too, but you DID the right thing...

    Good Luck
    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 8:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • No you are not wrong. What a sucky situation though. I hope that your husband is on your side... Why aren't they living with their mother?
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 8:07 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • I can't tell you if you were right or wrong. Be prepared for your marriage to take a major hit on this one. You should have been discussing this with "Dad" all along and settled each issues as they occured. If you did talk to him and nothing changed...I'd be packing his bags too. Waiting until you are ready to explode is never a good way to handle an issue. I'd probably have banned them from MY home long ago.Good Luck.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Not wrong at all. You are standing up for yourself and your home.
    Marix3

    Answer by Marix3 at 8:10 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Oh I talked to their father. He just can't stand up to his kids. he just stood there as I told them to hit the road. he knows they are asses. He just does not have the heart to put his foot down. I really feel sorry for him in a way but I have waited over 5 years for him to stick up for me. I just can't take it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • If you are feeling happy with your decision then that is all that matters. From what you are saying you have not been respected by them, so let them go and move on, good luck to you. You will be just fine!
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 8:11 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • NO!! I don't think you are wrong.... but I do suggest you really evaluate the man that you love and see if he is who you want to be with. Why didn't he stand up for you long, long ago? He should have NEVER allowed any racism.
    Also this is his ex who he had several children with, he had to have been attracted to her in the past. He had to have known what a racist, vile woman she is, but he still stayed with her. Doesn't really paint him in a good way if you know what I mean.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • My MIL had to do this with her step son. He was living with them and just being nasty all the time. He was picking fights with her son (my husband's brother) and just intentionally making everyone else miserable because he was miserable. It was hard, but it was the right thing to do. He's starting to come around more now. He comes to family parties again and though he makes some inappropriate comments he has still gotten a lot better.

    They'll be angry with you for a while, maybe a long time, but eventually they'll grow up and see that they were wrong (or at least see your point of view). Don't give up on peace in your family, but this is a necessary step towards piece that for the time being is going to feel like war. Hang in there, you did the right thing.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:21 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

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