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What type of flaws should be overlooked as nobody is perfect,any thoughts are appreciated..

1.Ap says she can't have kids yet find out she gave birth years ago and gave baby up for adoption and told the BF baby died since he was abusive.
2.Was told she has tumors on the uterus was set to have surgery and a few days later has a miscarriage.
3.Was told she owns a store sents article than states she does no longer own it ?
4.Has already bought baby stuff despite no agreement and they have done this before and the adoptions did not happen.
5.Want me to deliver near them no matter what.
6.Have agreed to meet them after they have asked and seems to be put off now for one reason or another.They said afraid i will not think they good enough,well sorry i have a right to know.
7.They feel i have not disclosed enough about me yet,who they have not either expect over making me feel guilty about making them parents.
I do not want to feel i'm right and playing god over there lives but want what is best for the child.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Mar. 21, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (24)
  • yah thats a nut
    NO NO NO to them

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Did they admit the lies or did you find out on your own? If you found out on your own can you trust the source? They "may" be afraid that you could change your mind, which you have every right. But, I think you could find a couple that is completely truthful to you. After the adoption goes through all bets are off. At least if the couple you choose is truthful from the beginning then "hopefully" they'll be honorable when the adoption is finalized. If I were in your shoes after the first lie I would be gone. You are trusting these people with the life of your child, you need to be able to depend on them.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • See it is people like these AP's that give the adoption process a bad name.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • If your gut feeling is that something doesn't add up then say no to them. If you don't then you will always have doubts about if they where really best for your kid, Since thats why you are probably you chose to put your baby up for adoption (wanting to give him/her a better life than you can give) then not ever being 100% sure will always bother you.

    Answer by Tf1990 at 8:38 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • OP HERE: She actually in a phone conversation slipped and than when i asked her more said she was afraid all her female issues would make me want to go with a mother that never was pregnant which was never what my requirements were so makes me think what else would they lie over to get there way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • I think this couple sounds fishy like they want you to hand over the baby on there terms and know nothing about them but everything about you.This is about "you" this is your child and the couple you pick in a way will be forever babysitters so keep in mind although you may not want to be mean you need to know what you did was best for the child and the couple can except it or move on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • When in doubt just say you are sorry that this could not work out for them but they are not the best couple to be raising your child. No need for either set of people to get discouraged or upset. I hate the drama. If in doubt from any perspective then it just cannot be an appropriate match.  If they try to contact you once you have said no then truly they have some issues they need to work on.  If an agency is involved then they should not pursue it further as far as trying to convince you to give them another look.  You have made up your mind.  An agency can ask about your concerns, fears, and reservations about this couple or placing at all - they should.  This will help with another possible placement that is better suited.  But to pressure you to choose a couple you are not comfortable with it would have to be a run out the door as fast as possible for me.


    Answer by frogdawg at 9:14 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • OP HERE: I'm using an agency which has told me anytime i want to stop the process with a perspective couple let them know and i can than find someone i feel better about. They will notify the couple our matching process ended and no further contact should be done directly to me.
    When i contacted the agency over our conversation they did pull the files to see much was left out and feel they will need to ask more from this couple since BM are going by what is read for the most part and also is not fair when other couples are waiting to have their profiles looked at to be closer to being parents.
    So these kind of lies even with no meaning to be harmful but wanting to be parents so bad do infact, set behind so much for the BM and agency.
    I guess this couple if they do not start being honest will never be parents since they keep getting rejected which is sad but maybe for the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • I can't imagine myself doing what you're doing, (NOT judging, being very serious, trying to comprehend from your point of view what you MIGHT be willing to overlook in a couple who MIGHT raise your child). Extra pounds vs a fit & trim body, less than spotless house because they are more about helping others than cleaning, not making 6+ figure incomes, etc.

    I see your "con" list on these people, 7 items. What "pros" are there? What made you drawn to them in the first place? Are you looking at material things & wealth? THINGS that can be given to your child that maybe you currently could not? OR are you concerned that your child be raised by happy, stable, loving people who want nothing more than to raise your child, regardless of future issues, in spite of future issues, and also wanting to involve you in their lives (both theirs & the child's)?

    As PP said, go with your gut. There are NO do-overs in adoption. One shot.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:28 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • To PP sounds like your getting down on the OP to me even if she could saw some pros like if they were rich and maybe could provide a good life why the need to lie and other failed adoptions to me that over rides all that have said prior as being false?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

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