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I'm having trouble with my husband. It seems like he doesn't want to clean. He is very happy to tell anyone he won't do the dishes. I have asked for help from him so many time but he won't do anything unless i am in the same room with him cleaning. It doesn't matter if i am at the laundry mat he still wont clean even though he is home. He would rather just sit on the computer or watch TV. On top of that we have three cats and he doesn't help with them even though he was the one who wanted them. I'm always after him to change the cat box or feed them even though i just end up doing. I have told him that i wanted to just pack up and leave and that didn't even faze him. What should I do? I love him but i'm tired of feeling like i am the only one doing anything around here.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would get rid of the cats!! They are such dirty lil animals to begin with.

    Answer by rochellecole at 10:39 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • I have told him that i am unhappy with the cats and i don't want them anymore and he has refused to do that he guilts me into keeping them by saying he will be depressed with out them and our son loves them and he will be sad if they are gone. and then he tells me i can't tell him what to do

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Then tell him that if he won't help with them, then he can keep 1 if you have to take care of it. Who is the child here? your husband or your son? it's time to grow up. If you don't stop this now, good luck ever changing it.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:53 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • It's been like this for over a year and now i'm at the point where i just don't care i work too and i take care of our son and home but lately i've been so overwhelmed with everything and I don't think i will ever get the help i want.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Just stop cleaning... Do the bare minimum.... when he has NO clean laundry, no dishes to use, etc he'll get the hint. I finally did this (as a last resort) and amazing how much help I got after that! ;o) Good luck!

    Answer by Morgain at 11:14 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • You should have discussed this before you married him. You probably would have found out he thinks cleaning is woman's work. You won't change him now so suck it up and be the woman the rest of us have to be. Just clean and quit nagging the man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

  • Hi anonymous, he will start washing his own dishes once there are no longer clean dishes to use. Let it pile up and only wash those that you are about to use yourself. I did this because I got so tired of doing the dishes, too. It worked. My hubby washes the dishes now. It's so gross when dishes are left on the sink. Nobody wants that. So now, I get more cooperation with dish washing and cleaning. When I say I stopped doing the chores, I would still pick up and put things away. I can't stand looking for my stuffs when I need them. I always tell him to put things back when he takes it out. He just does not listen. So one time, he was looking for the nail grooming kit and asked me where it is. I told him it's in that cabinet. He did not find it there. So he spent a few minutes looking for it everywhere around the house. I told him, if he had put it away then once he needs it, he would know where to find it.

    Answer by LavenderRose10 at 12:06 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • So you have my husband do you? lol! I have almost wanted to get 2 sets of dishes one his one mine, Mine I will wash and his he has to wash. I have already decided to not do his laundry and you know what?! at first he stood there like an 8 yr old child saying to me, "you mean I have to wash my own clothes"? Then he was asking a million questions about the washer and dryer, what should he use and how long does it take.
    His food he likes to have cooked for him and for a awhile he went out if I did not cook, now I just have to get so pissey with him that he knows not to ask where dinner is or that he is going out. The men that did not get training by their mommies must get broken in by us. I share your frustration, I really do

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • oh!!! recently, I did not want to cook anymore. So I would ask him to take out food all the time! I did this so that when I start cooking again, he would appreciate my efforts. I took a benefit away and when he starts having it back, he will be grateful this time. I don't like to argue about these things because it will result in resentment. I would gently remind him to do the dishes. Now I don't because he gets annoyed when I remind him. So I would just leave all the dishes in the sink and let him wash it himself. Anyway, my efforts paid off since he helps around the house more and even helps with the kids.

    Answer by LavenderRose10 at 4:48 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

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