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My Dh wont ever stand up for me against my MiL

Okay me and my dh have been together for 5yrs! We have a Son that is 2!
Well we Lived With My dhs mom and dad b/c his dad had cancer we were helping with bill ect. anyways
Well one night i was going to the bathroom i heard his mom talking bad about me and his dad told her to shut up i was his daughter
well after he passed away she has been going behind my back telling people im a bad mom that i sleep all day that i cheat on my dh and lots of other things (IT ISNT TRUE) i Love my family and take wonderful care of my dh and son

but anyways shes always wanting me to take her places so im nice and she will be the nicest person to me in front of dh but her and her boyfriend are so mean to me and talk to me like im stupid (Because i never say anything to her to stand up for myself)
I have told dh and so have people that have heard stuff but he will not confront his mom he always takes her side what should i do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 AM on Mar. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Listen, the only thing you can do is to stand up for yourself. Take her to a coffee shop or whatever and just bring it up. Find out what the problem is and why she feels that way. You don't have to be rude or anything, but come on....you shouldn't have to live your life being offended or being worried about what your MIL thinks/says. If she continues, then tell her that she's not welcome @ your home anymore. You don't have to put up with that crap!!!!
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 3:51 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • My Dh would never let that happen he would make sure that shes here sometimes i feel he cares more about her feelings than mine or our son she acts like our son is invisible she was in his life 24/7 until my dh's dad passed away and now she doesnt pay attention to him he cries b/c she wont play with him my son doesnt even call her gma anymore he calls her shelly and she thinks i did that but i wouldnt do that i want her to be gma i have been so nice to her and i have never done anything wrong i really think its because im with her son If me and dh fight she will call being my bestfriend and tell me to leave him that he isnt good enough for me and i have told dh this and he still takes up for her and wants me to be at her house everyday she only lives across town:(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • The truth needs no defense. She isn't capable of being honest, until she's first honest with herself. This is her own personal bs. Don't feed into it or allow yourself to be fed off of it. That's hard, I know, but it takes far more character to turn the other cheek and walk it off than it does to retaliate. Be the better woman and remain consistently hospitable, considerate and loving. Fully utilize both the powers of prayer and silence. It is unrealistic to expect DH to ever go against his Mom. Obviously, he knows something that you don't. Let other people confront him about his Mom. Maintain your own peace, sanity and safety at your own home. Best wishes.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 4:02 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Is it possible that she hasn't quite recovered from her husband passing? Survivor's remorse, maybe? Maybe she is purposely putting a space between her and your son because of guilt and not wanting to feel that hurt again, if anything were to ever happen to her or, God forbid, your son? As for how she treats you, just be point blank honest with her. Let her get a dose of her own medicine. Don't be cruel, but be honest and to the point. I've had to deal with a lot of BS from my MIL as well, and really, all it took was an email from me and just putting it into my own words how I felt I was being treated and how I felt it was effecting my kids. After that, it opened that door of communication and now, sure there is still sometimes that tension...but now at least she knows my boundaries. If your husband won't let her not being able to come over allowed, just tell him, if she's here, I will leave.
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 4:03 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Stand up for yourself. If it was any other person would you stand up for yourself?! MIL or not put the shit to a stop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Yup, stand up for yourself. If you have to depend on someone else to stand up for you, it's inevitable that you will get stomped on. Don't EXPECT your DH to do that. Do it for yourself, but make sure you pick a good battle.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:39 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Stand up for yourself in front of your DH, if he doesn't have the balls to do it then show him that you do!!!!!! If its a constant thing but not something she does in front of him the next time she is over out of the blue say you know I was talking to someone the other day and was told you said .......................... say it word for word. And then set her straight. I've had to do this before and was just informed yesterday that mine is at it again. I'm waiting on DH to get home and I will be taking care of it. I only wait for him bc she will lie to him if he isn't there to see it for himself.
    SouthernTnMomma

    Answer by SouthernTnMomma at 10:55 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

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