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How do I make my DH & SD leave??

DH & I have been talking about separation for a year, but for one reason or another it's never happened (he attempted suicide, lost his job a couple months later). He has been looking for an apt for about 2 months now & has had trouble finding one for a variety of reasons: income, credit, bad neighborhood, crime rate... it's always SOMETHING.
What I want to know is: How do I make him & my SD leave? It just seems to be one thing after another after another, & this separation never happens. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I am very angry with both of them, which is beginning to be hate, for a number of reasons (really long story over 3 years).
I am afraid if I just lock him/them out, it will affect my SD very badly emotionally. She has depression & PTSD from abuse from her mom, & I'm afraid if I do that, she will really flip out. I need to be away from her, but I don't want to do that to her.
Any suggestions?? PLEASE??


Asked by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Mar. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • First off you'd have to be "legally" separated, in order to put him out. The police will enforce it, only with this paperwork. As long as he's legally your husband (without separation papers), he's entitled to live wherever you are, whether his name is on the lease or not. So a lockout will be ineffective. (I've been in this situation before). Secondly, if SD is a minor, I implore you to have a little more compassion for her. Otherwise, bottom line is you're going to have to spend some money and get the paperwork done to initiate separation. Note: although filing for a divorce would eliminate filing for separation, the disadvantage is the living arrangements, as you're becoming more aware of.

    Answer by Ewadun at 4:36 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I dont know the extent of your situation. And please know from the start that I am in NO way judging you. But is he capable of caring for his daughter,your stepdaughter? She should really be your concern. May I ask how old she is and if yall are close? In my opinion, you have so much to worry about. Maybe you could get your dh some help and talk to the sd about her needs and feelings. Poor thing, and by that I mean you and her. It all depends on the circumstances of your relationship between yall. Does she have grandparents you might be able to turn to? I would like to help you, but I dont know what to say to you without knowing what is really going on. Do you belong to a church? Your pastor could really be of help. My prayers are with you and I am here if you need a shoulder..

    Answer by tkwoverwhelmed at 4:15 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Do you work? Are you paying the bills? If not then I think YOU should leave! If you are paying the bills then you can go to the court house and get an eviction notice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • (OP)
    tkw, thanks for not judging me. Lots of people do. Our relationship (me & SD) used to be really good, but because of all the events of the last 3 years, it has gotten very bad. I can hardly stand to be in the same room with her because I feel so uncomfortable :( I don't like feeling this way, but everything has just piled up- I am sad & angry all the time with her & DH. My DH is capable of caring for SD (15, BTW), sorta. He isn't the most... pro-active or thorough parent (i.e., he really doesn't do much), & that's one of the issues we are having in our marriage. She is in counseling already.

    Anon :25, we live in MY house (mine before we got married, he is not on the title). No way am I leaving. If it was OUR house or apt, I would have already been gone! (Sorry should have said that part.)
    I didn't think you could evict someone that you live with?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Same thing applies with house. You need to see a lawyer. Even though house was yours, before the marriage, he may be entitled to claim it still as marital property. Again, run to a lawyer and initiate legal separation.

    Answer by Ewadun at 4:40 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • You can evict him ESP if its your house!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • (OP)
    Ewadun, my state does not recognize legal separation. I wish it did. That would be so much easier. I might still see the legal aid people to see if there's SOMETHING I can do.
    I don't think I would need to legally remove him, really... I honestly don't think it would come to that or at least I would hope not. I feel like he's just not getting that I am really serious about this. I just don't know how to get through to him to get off his butt. Maybe it already has come to that. IDK. I'm so confused anymore I don't know which way is up.

    Thank you all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Set a firm date and put it in writing for him. Find a reason why this date has to happen... ie have a roommate move in to help you with rent or have something else happen at the home like renovatios that he needs to be out for. Help him find a suitable place or find it for him and get him to put down a security deposit. Hire movers and have them coming on a specific date to take stuff over. Be a co-signer for him for his credit purposes. If you feel you need him out that badly, maybe even help him with the expenses, like by paying first, last, and sd. Get an outside person, a friend or family member of yours to help push him out while you go out of town for a few days and when you get back change the locks. I agree with other posters that you may want to have more compassion for SD or try to find someone who can be a loving support person in her life if you cannot be.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:55 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Give him a dead line. "You need to be out by this time" "period"

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 AM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Tell your DH you are giving him 30 days to get out then pack their stuff. Put it out on the lawn. Change the locks. Put a note on the door. YOU TWO DO NT LIVE HERE ANY MORE. File for divorce, NOW.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:26 AM on Mar. 22, 2010