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Birth Mothers. Were the Adoptive Parents with you when you delivered?

If so, how did that make you feel? If not, how did that make you feel?

 
onethentwins

Asked by onethentwins at 1:10 PM on Mar. 22, 2010 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,486 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • My birth son's parents were most definitely in the delivery room!! They live 2 hours away from me so I had a scheduled induction a week before my due date but I went into labor a week and a half before that. They made the 2 hour drive in only an hour and a half and were there for almost all of my labor. Liam's daddy actually helped deliver him... the midwife got his head out and then Erik helped deliver his body and hand him to me! It was the neatest thing that I have ever witnessed. And his mommy video taped my whole birth. I couldnt have imagined them NOT being there for his birth, it was actually one of my "interview" questions when I was choosing a family. I wanted a family that wanted to be there for their child's birth
    Jaydin_Makenna

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 11:35 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • For myself, I did not want Danny's parents in the delivery room with me. I cannot remember why I didn't want them there exactly. But, now I'm so glad they weren't. The moment he was born and they placed him in my arms and he stared into my eyes is such a precious memory to me. I'm so glad I didn't share it. In fact I regret allowing them in the hospital at all. The short time that I had Danny to myself are such treasured memories. They had him for the next 18 years they could have done without the first 3 days.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:13 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I didnt pick the parents until after my baby was born. It wasn't intentional. She came a month early. The agency hadn't given me any profiles to look at yet because we figured we had a bit more time. Also I didnt decide on adoption until I was about 7 mo. pregnant. Looking back, I am glad they weren't there. I do wish I could have met them before they took her home though, like at the hospital but they would not let me do that. I left the hospital & they came to get her after I left. When I did meet them it was at the agency about a day or so later when I went to there to sign the final papers. They only met with me about 15 min. or so. Very brief.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 2:28 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • They were. I told them they could come in ahead of time, but when I was in labor I told my nurses I changed my mind but they didn't listen. They let them in and gave amom a clear view of the delivery... I was so upset.
    lillie023

    Answer by lillie023 at 11:00 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • My daughters family was at the hospital. Her mother was in the room with me. She held on of my legs and took pics.
    I have mix feelings about it. Good and bad. I just wish I could go back in the hands of time.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 11:02 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • She was a C-section birth, so nobody was allowed to see. And even if I had delivered naturally, I wouldn't have wanted anyone with me at that time. I'm a relatively private person in real life, and I let them know that they were welcome to be at the hospital, but to leave me be if I was in labor.

    And I was perfectly ok with them not hovering over me. Bad enough they did it while I tried to hold her and cuddle her after she was born.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Awwweee...TLW, if only we could:) OTT, I think we all know this was not the case for me. However, if I had been given this option..HELL any option...I would have declined. i too, am a very private person, this is one of those situations, that ONLY family should be involved. I was told after returning from Pheonix, that I could not see them one last time, because ' Their new parents have flown in, they are in their Motel room bonding with them as we speak." This past Dec., my C.I. was filling me in on just SOME of the horrible events from my nightmare, and it shows on record, my sons, were not picked up that day, and that possibly they were not for over a week. This breaks my heart, and saddens me beyond belief....WHERE were my sons, and who was watching them for over a week? ANY mother considering adoption, should definately keep this precious time with their child.....well just between Mother and baby! B;essings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 10:30 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I am not a bmom but hope you dont mind if I answer: I am an AMom and was not there because my plane was delayed. This was initially a concern in the bmom's eyes. She thought that it meant that we were not serious about wanting the baby and was upset that we were not there to cut the cord. We arrived when the baby was about 2 hours old.

    I believe there is value in the AP's being there because in some cases, that may be the only time they meet face to face. I think there is value in seeing first hand how difficult and heart wrenching the decision is and it leads to a connection that you would not have otherwise. I can look my child in the eyes and say how tough the decision was and how much she loved this child, I saw it and lived it first hand.
    It is all the comfort of the bmom obviously but I think there is some value in being at the hospital (even if not in the labor room).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Dont you need them there to pay the hospital bill?

    If you are placing a baby due to financial circumstances, why would you want to add another bill that you would not have to pay. I can see not having them in the L&D room without question, but at the hospital doesnt seem out of line. It is supposed to be about the baby and dont you want the baby to bond to it's Mom and Dad as soon as it can?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I am not a bmom, but I hope it's okay if I respond to a point made by anon 12:36 above. There is no requirement that the hospital bill be paid before mom and baby are discharged. Hospitals cannot turn away women in labor or kick them out before it's safe just because they are unable to pay. That should not factor into the decision whether or not to have the APs at the hospital - it is strictly her choice.

    The hospital where my DD was born was trying to send bills to her bmom. I had to call them and tell them not to bother her with that, and to send all bills to us.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 1:58 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

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