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How to deal when your stuck in the middle. Dad and Mom-StepMom

We have had my husbands son for 1 yr 1/2 since the mom gave him over due to being bi-polar. She wants him back and husband doesnt want to give him back. There is no issue of custody cuz in the divorce decree it doesnt discuss the child. And we talked to a lawyer about the son and the lawyer said he was pretty much free game. My husband wants to cut the wife out of his sons life cuz she is always stirring things up. She makes the son upset, she brainwashes him, and she plays mind games with him. He is now only allowed to talk to her on sundays. And he doesnt want to send the son on spring break, christmas etc anymore. He doesnt mind if his son is upset wit him cuz my husband knows that he is helping his son in the long run. I feel trapped myself cuz I dont think it would be right to just toss his mom out the pic completely even if she does what she does. The son (9) maybe needs to see who she is for himself.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • It completely behooves me that there is no discussion of the child in the divorce. I have never heard of that at all. There is supposed to be a whole section for visitation, medical bills, schooling, and child support.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 3:25 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I have a similar dynamic with my oldest son's dad, where contact is sporadic and very confusing for him when he does see dad due to similar issues with mind games, etc. Our divorce decree states that visitation is at my discretion. So far, I have left it up to my son if he wants to see his dad. I am not sure if no contact would be better or worse for him than some contact, and as long as he desires contact with his dad, it's not going to be my fault if he doesn't see him. Like you, I also feel that no contact would make us look like the bad guys where letting him see his dad lets him see his dad for who he really is. It is hard sometimes to know what the right thing to do is.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:36 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • It so happens my husband is mexican and white and his ex wife is mexican. They married and divorced in mexico and for some reason in the divorce paperwork no where does it state the child. They made an agreement together that he would pay her support and they split the holidays with the child his christmas then her christmas etc. He pretty much just took the responsiblity to take care of his child on his own. Things did work out fine till we drove to mexico and picked up the child from her. The lawyer thought it was weird too and because the divorce decree doesnt involve the child my husband can file paperwork for full custody, but it's still a lot of work cuz if she decides not to send the child back from break or something we would have to work things out between where we are and mexico to get the child back. Then the cost just to do all this cuz serving her in mexico etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

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