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This maybe TMI, but is it wrong for me to stop having sexual relations with my husband?

Here's the thing. I feel like DH is using me. I don't think it is an intimate gesture on his part. I feel like he would rather be with someone else, and uses me as convenience. It's always when he wants it. And the way he wants to do it. He really could care less if I get anything from it. After words I am left feeling worthless, and cheap. Don't get me wrong. Other aspects of our life together are good. This seems to be the only REAL problem we have. I was thinking it might be better for me if I was to stop having sexual relations with him all together, because it is making me depressed. I really am starting to feel worthless. I literally feel like a sex doll. Something he can use if someone else turns him on and I am there. Someone once told me I should try and go after him. It maybe that's what he wants. He turned me down, and told me that was weird. I don't know what else to do. It hurts to feel this way.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Mar. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • i think you both need to speak to a therapist. It may help to find where his feelings and yours are steming from.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • This is why porn can damage a marriage. They think they can slam you and you like it,no intimacy,just fu*king! I'm assuming here this is where he learned his sex techniques from! You need therapy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Honestly you need to see a sex therapist. It's up to you as to what your choose to do, however if I was feeling that way, I'd go see a sex therapist because it can help you both. However you should talk to your husband first.
    StarsGoBlu

    Answer by StarsGoBlu at 3:30 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I have mentioned that to him. He thinks I am crazy. He says there is nothing wrong with the way things are. He thinks every thing is fine. I honestly think he does not love me. I think he is the only with me because of the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • in response to your reply here OP then why do you stay with him? He sounds extremely controlling and if you are THAT unhappy you should not stay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • if you stop having sex with him, he might cheat. sex is a very important part of the marriage. i don't recommend cutting him off, but seeking help on how to resolve your issues and learn how to better understand each other. cutting him off might only damage the relationship even more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I have caught him watching porn. It did not bother me at first. But, I realized most the times he wanted to have sex was after he watched it. It makes me feel cheap. Like I am not good enough for him. He has to go somewhere else to get turned on and there I am to finish him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Unless he's willing to take your feelings into account and see a therapist with you, then yes, I'd say it's time to stop giving him what he wants. I'd try to talk to him about it though. Tell him how it makes you feel like a piece of meat. If he tells you you're crazy, and that everything is fine, then I'd be talking to a lawyer about a divorce, or at least separation. He needs a wake-up call.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • have you tried talking to him about it? i felt the same way with my BF- but i was used in my past relationships (BD actually tried to pimp me out!)... and he didnt realize what he was doing- about how i felt used and basically worthless. :-( its heartbreaking for me and my BF has attempted to do more romantic things- inside and outside of the bedroom.

    as a last resort-- the next time you guys do do it-- maybe just stop him mid-way through and be like, "ya know i'm not getting any satisfaction from this. i'm going to bed" and see what he does.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 3:45 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I have tried to talk with him about it, but he gets all weird about it. He cant even talk to me about sex. "it's weird" he says. I am really thinking its because of me. I must be some hideous person.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

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