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self defense VS respecting adult

The scene: my 5 yr old son & 3 yr old daughter having cupcakes at great grandma's house. great grandma is 85-ish, in a wheelchair, missing a hip, on crazy amounts of oxycontin, morphine, etc. 5yr old son spilled a teeny bit of water on kitchen floor. great granny says nicely "careful there buddy, my wheelchair can slip!" my son cops a horrendous attitude w/ her, got in her face and said something to the effect of "you can't talk to me like that, old woman!" .... granny was furious and said he was a brat and she only liked gentlemen in her house. his 3yr old sister went ballistic and screamed like she was on fire "YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY BROTHER LIKE THAT!!!!!" and then great granny told the kids they weren't welcome anymore because they were behaving like animals. I then walked them right out the door. It's been now a 2 day cooling off period and I am torn on whether or not the 5yr old should call w/ an apology. Thoughts?


Asked by hibbingmom at 5:09 PM on Mar. 22, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (9)
  • He should be apologizing. If my child had reacted that way, I would have had a fit with HIM. That's beyond rude. I would have left to, but not from being upset with my grandmother. He needs to understand its a serious issue to show that amount of disrespect towards someone.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 5:11 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • PS my point is that it's complicated..... I don't want him to be walked all over or at risk for abuse. HOWEVER, he should be the bigger man, turn the other cheek, use kind words, be mature, respectful, etc ESPECIALLY to family, elders, adults, authority figures.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:10 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • I think that would be appropriate. BUT I sure as heck hope that he got better than a tongue lashing from granny, that was completely off the wall.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 5:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Um, YES, your son should apologize! How in the hell do you think it was self defense? She told him to be careful and he gets an attitude and gets in her face. He should not only apologize but he should also be made to go do some "chores" at her house as well.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • OMG I'm not a big fan of spanking but for that my kid would have gotten one!! I'd make the kid make her an I'm sorry card and apologize in person. Totally uncalled for behavior.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Yes he should apologize.

    Does he feel he was wrong for doing what he did? If not you need to sit down and discuss how and why it was wrong, before sending him to apologize. Have him put himself in others shoes.

    Where'd he learn that lingo?

    That'd be hard.

    Answer by Skepticchick at 5:21 PM on Mar. 22, 2010


    There is NO EXCUSE for a child to speak to an adult like that.

    Spank him soundly and have him apologize.

    He needs to know his place.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Your son was being rude. If she told him nicely to be careful and he had an attitude then he should say sorry. I would have called your son a brat to if he talked to me that way. What is your great grandma supposed to do let your kids make messes at her house and not say anything to them? My kids would have been smacked for that. Talking back like that isn't self defense of any kind. It is rude behaviour plain and simple. If you continue to let your children speak to adults that way they are going to have a lot of problems later in life.


    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 5:28 PM on Mar. 22, 2010

  • Sorry I don't judge often, but your son sounds like he needs an ass kicking. Theres a difference than being rude and defending your self. He was purely being rude if my kid ever said that especially for that reason they would regret it. after all that's your grandma and from what I see whe did nothing wrong, and was polite at first at least. It also doe not show good charactor on his part for reacting so angry over some thing so smal, or yours for even thinking it may be ok or justifiable in some way.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:58 PM on Mar. 22, 2010