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Should divorce be an option? (couldnt type much ran out of characters) if need more details ask

Iam 23 yrs. old and have been married for over 3 years. My husband is 29 he works 7 a week for 10-12 hours a day (he has two businesses) and I barely see him. When we talk its only for about 30 minutes a day. I don't work because our finances allow me to do so and he believes that me raising our son is best. I am currrently pregnant with our second child and im due in july 2010. When I first meet my husband we did everything together now we can't even sit and talk without arguing or not listening because one of us not being interested in what the other has to say. Sometimes I feel like I married the wrong person, I feel trapped, and I feel that he is not a good of a father as he could be. He doesnt take time to play with our 22 month old son because he always "too tired". Im tired too but I cannot just walk away when my son is crying for attention. I feel that we are growing apart. He has work and I have our son and school.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:27 AM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • marriage is very hard. i am sure it will be the hardest thing i have ever and will ever do. i wouldn't throw in the towel yet :)
    my mil says it is only now that she likes her husband, although she has always loved him. there are a lot of pressures on young families...on you as a mom going to school, the pressures of being there and nurturing your family and feeling kind of like a single mom anyhow, on him with the pressure for his businesses to succeed so he can financially care for his family.
    marriage is hard. having young kids is hard. being pregnant while going to school while raising a toddler and feeling alone is hard. try to really enjoy the good moments, and realize that this too shall pass!
    i am sorry you are feeling bad.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 2:06 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • You need to take a step back and realize that he is working out of the home so much so that you don't have to. He is making it possible for you to be able to stay home with your children which is really important. I understand that you want to spend some time with him and ask him if he can take a day off so that you can actually talk to him and try to not say accusing things like "You don't do this..." try saying something like "I would like it/appreciate it if you...." these are very helpful tools that a friend of mine gave me when I was arguing and fighting a lot with my SO. You also have to realize that you are pregnant and hormonal. Take a breath and if you love him then you will find a way to make it work.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 7:32 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • @coala I understand what you are saying on but Sundays he chooses to stay at work longer hours. I dont think he cheating I feel like he doesnt like to be at home.
    brittanica21

    Answer by brittanica21 at 7:37 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Since every time you talk, it becomes an argument. try writing to him instead. Grab a notebook and put it all on paper. It's less confrontational. It gives both of you time to think about what the other is saying.

    You should be thankful that he is doing all he can to support his family. Maybe in a few years he won't have to work as much.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:51 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I know exactly how you feel. My hubby is currently working those kind of hrs too. I have a 10 and 2 yr old that I am staying home with. I think one of the biggest reasons you feel so distant is b/c you're alone with kids all day. I try to get out of the house at least a few days a week and that really helps my mood. Stay at home moms sometimes get in these ruts and maybe need a push to get out. I had an epiphany when I talked to my husband about the way I was feeling. I realized all the stuff that bothered me that he didn't do like he used to...I wasn't do those things for him either. Marriage isn't a one way street. It def takes 2 people. There are major bumps in the road. I also think it's normal for people to question sometimes. The important thing is that you know deep down you are in love with this person and can't picture your life with anyone else. Set aside some time for one another.
    rlhall1980

    Answer by rlhall1980 at 7:52 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If you love him, you need to meet him halfway. Talk to him, try to see things from his point of view. Explain your feelings in a non-confrontational way. Look into Marriage/couples counseling as well. In 3 years you've gotten married, had a child, and are expecting another one. That's a lot of changes in a very short time. I'm guessing that both of you feel a bit overwhelmed at times.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:04 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Well obviously he works ALOT so of course he has no time for his son and feels as though he doesnt need to make time because your their and doing a good job. I would say sit down and have a talk with hubby. Ask him if there is anyway that he can sometime take off or something to help you around the house and with the baby. Also your pregnant so will need help. 2 much stress can cause to complications in your pregnancy so i wouldnt say divorce is an option in this cause. Also think about your kids. Would you b able to provide for them if you do get a divorce???? Keep all these things in mind...If dad doesnt wanna make time then there is a bigger problem.. But sit him down and talk to him about it... He needs to understand... I wish you luck hun
    Tryin4GodsAngel

    Answer by Tryin4GodsAngel at 8:04 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Could the reason he stays away when he could be home be that when he is there, you are fussing at him about all the time he isn't there? Maybe you could plan a special meal for him next Sunday and tell him ahead of time that you are looking forward to his being home. Make the day about him and his needs, and let him know ahead of time. It's hard when a man works one job, but two? If you can become more of an encourager and less critical, you will see major improvements in your relationship. Get a copy of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES and read a paragraph or two in it every day. Share what you learn with your husband. My guess is that yours is probably quality time and his is probably acts of service. You want him to speak your language and he expects you to understand his. That's why you argue so much! We have to communicate love in the language of our spouses. Usually, their language is not the same as ours!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:36 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • sweetie, I believe the first seven years of marriage are like trekking up a mountain- it is treacherous and tricky. IT is bloody hard work and sometimes you want to quit and go home. But if you stick at it, if you keep walking, you learn slowly how to place your feet better, and then you get to the top and the view is magical. You are young with a toddler and another on the way, he is doing his best to provide for you all. Just because he isn't doing it the way you want, doesn"t make him wrong.
    If you only have half an hour together, make a huge effort to ensure that time is loving and peaceful. Tell him all the things you love about him, funny little stories about the toddler, ask him how his day is- try to not nag ( I know it's hard) about what he isn't doing right You might just rediscover the man you fell in love with, Good Luck and hang in there
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 8:43 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I'd see about a counselor- is it possible that he could hire someone to help out so that he doesn't have to work quite to so much?
    I do understand- I was raised in a business, and it can be very hard. My mom says that she made a mistake with having my dad work for her father- that it was all so draining that it was the cause of most of their marital problems.

    But money or no money I do believe that you need a husband if it's going to work-

    if your husband is anything like my grandfather, then he thinks that he has to be there to do it all - that no one else can do it. I understand that your husband is working to provide for you and all, but take it from me, if he doesn't learn to let someone else take up some of the slack now, then you will be living like this for the rest his life.

    I say that based on experience of what it was like for my family.

    feel free to PM me- no expert but I have seen what it can be like.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:11 PM on Mar. 23, 2010