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when husbands get mad?

i am confused, my husband was all upset going off about all kinds of things that are supposedly wrong with our relationship, then a few days later says that he doesn't care about it anymore, while i am here wondering what to do, fix what he was complaining about or get mad. one thing was that he says i cook crappy dinners, then he says he doesn't care? I am confused and worrying about all the things he said, should i bring it up or let it go?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Was there something else going on? Was he totally stressed about something? I am thinking that maybe something big happened and he just let everything out and now a few days later he realizes what he did? If he mentioned those things then I would try to fix them but I wouldn't bring it up to him. I wouldn't stress out about them either. I am thinking he brought them up to just rant and rave because something else made him really upset but they aren't major issues to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Try to fix what he feels is wrong. Do it gently and don't bring it to his attention directly. I sympathize with the cooking problem, I have it, too. If things are making your husband exasperated, work on fixing them, but don't bring that you are doing this to his attention.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:23 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • He probably realizes that he said too much or didn't say it the right way or acted immaturely, but my guess is that he is not the kind of man who apologizes. So saying the things don't matter anymore is probably is way of saying he's sorry. It's not the same, but that's probably what he means. I would tell him at the appropriate moment that I heard what he said and that I am working on those issues. If you feel the need to go further, you can tell him that you appreciate his telling you and then suggest a nicer way he could have told you. Most men are far more tolerant of their wives than we are of them, so when they say something, it always pays to listen carefully to what they say. He may have just had a bad day and lost control for a minute, but he told you some things that bother him. I would be trying to fix them, but I would want him to know I am working on being a better wife and that what he says is important.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:29 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • This has work for me. My dh was complaining because he was not "included" in the making of the food. So one day by some divine intervention I couldn't get the dinner done by the time he got home. He got to the kitchen and started cooking was so "delicious" (too much spicy and salt for my taste) but I compliment him about the food.

    My husband's one of his dream was to become a cook but I think that he is feeling that I'm taking that from him. Too bad since he has to work (office work) to support us.

    Anyhow once in a while he cooks for us and I tell my kids to eat without complaints. lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I would bring it up. I don't care = I give up. It doesn't mean there's not a problem it means that he thinks you don't want to or are incapable of fixing it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • anon :30 here

    I meant to say our kids* not my kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If he is abusive and uses what "is wrong with you" as an excuse for why he is mean, then fixing what he complained about won't help. Abusers constantly change "the rules" in order to keep every one around them "off balance" and worried about how to please them. If you are focusing on what to do to make him happy, you will be distracted from the "elephant in the living room" (which is his dysfunctional self)

    One day it might be like "if you only did x, y, and z, then I wouldn't have to get angry and go off"

    Then the next day it may be "why did you do x, y, and z? I told you to focus on A, B, and C" (the letters being sub for certain specific things he'd be complaining about)

    If you need help to get away from abuse, there are places out there that can help you…. If you want it. It took me years to get away from my abuser, but my kids and I have a much better life now.
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 9:15 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If my hubby said I cook crapp dinners, then i would tell him too cook his own dinners! that is BS, I don't cook the best and will be the first to admit but my husband has NEVER said a bad word about it. Even when I say it's bad! lol
    randilinn

    Answer by randilinn at 9:55 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If my husband complained about my cooking he would be fixing his own food from then on. It is one thing to mention that a certain dish was not to his liking in which case I don't fix it again but he knows not to make a blanket complaint about something that I do. For example he has complained about my driving (not being aggressive enough) at which point I have pulled over, gotten out and handed him the keys. He hates driving my car so he got the point and has never said another word about my driving.
    Keksie

    Answer by Keksie at 10:21 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • well, I wouldn't bring up the argument if you can help it, but if you are worried about making crappy dinners, then I'd suggest he come along to the market to pick things out, and suggest that the 2 of you work together making new meals. He'll either love the idea and start to cook or hate it then he probably won't consider your 'crappy dinners' to be so crappy anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

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