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How do I tell my 8 year old that my husband is not is biological father?

my husband has been around since he was 1 and treats him like his own. My son has met his biological father before and i just told him he was an old friend. My son told me he did not like him. I am scared that my son is going to look at my husband differently and be mad at me for not telling him.

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miranda69

Asked by miranda69 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • i found out when i was 12. at the time my mom was divorced from the man i knew as my father. he had adopted me shortly after my mom and him married. i didnt really care at the time, i thought she was going to talk to me about something else so i wasn't really prepared.

    your son might be mad at first for not telling him, but i think if you give him some time he will come around. i would let him know that you are happy to answer any questions you have and that it doesn't change how your DH feels about him. and it also doesnt change the fact that he needs to be respectful of DH and you still. you may explain the reasons for not telling him before also.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:47 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If you tell him why you made this decision,he will understand. i think he's still too young to be told this however.Tell him a father becomes a father based on merit and resposibility,not always because of biology.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 9:48 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Better do it now than later. I told my daughter when she was 4 years old and she took it all in stride. My husband, whom she has known since she was 14 months, is her Daddy. Her BF was around for all of 3 weeks and I have not heard from him in years. As soon as we get the money rounded up, my husband is going to adopt her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I think that you want to tell him sooner rather than later, because the longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be, and the more likely he's going to be mad that you lied to him about it. He's a little old for the matter of fact sort of approach, since this is new news to him. But, I think that maybe you could try telling him that sometimes we are given parents because of nature, a man and a woman make a baby, and they are your parents. But, sometimes you get parents because of love - their heart sees how special you are, and they choose to be your parents. Then, tell him that he's a very lucky little boy, because when his Daddy met us (him and mommy), he saw right away how special you were, and he wanted to be your Daddy so much.

    He might not be the man that helped make him (you might have to explain where babies come from later), BUT - he is the Daddy that loves him, and will ALWAYS love him.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:05 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • cont

    Explain to him that you didn't tell him before now, because you know it's a pretty grownup thing, and you thought that he would probably be confused, but since he's older now, you wanted him to know the truth. Then, repeat a summary of it - that the truth is, that while __ (your dh) isn't his biological father, he is and always will be his Dad, and that NOTHING can change that, and that he will ALWAYS be loved by both of you.

    Go from there, answering any questions he has honestly (but age appropriately - like, if his bio dad is a druggie, you can say that he has problems that make him not able to be a Dad, or if he was abusive, that he wasn't a very nice man, and he hurt people, and you wanted better for you and him (ds) than that, etc. - no sordid details, but still, the truth).

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:09 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Maybe it would be best comming from your husband. He needs to know that his relationship with the man that has raised him is secure and that he is loved.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:54 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • This is something he should have been brought up knowing. Never keep someones identity a secret..it ruins lives. Tell him now, this will only get worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

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