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What would you do?

My 10 yr old daughter is constantly getting into trouble at school. This has been a problem since she was in the 2nd grade and has progressively gotten worse. This school yr she has been in 3 or 4 fights. She's been in counseling for almost 2 yrs & i doesn't seem to be working. We have sessions together once a week where we talk to the counselor together. Its hard for me to feel "love" for my daughter anymore. She doesn't act out around me, but the minute she gets to school or my back is turned, she does things she knows she's not supposed to do. Last week was spring break, she did fine all week bc she wasn't at school. Yesterday was her first day back to school & her teacher had to call me ALREADY to tell me she saw my dd push another girl at recess. So she lost the rest of her recess & had an attitude w/the teacher for an hour after that. OMG, seriously what would you do if you were me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Mar. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • if you feel the counseling isn't working, try a different one

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 9:46 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Maybe you should consider a different school.
    My daughter goes to private school (which where I live is realy the only option) our public schools are REALLY bad, anyway she has always been happy and loves school.
    My SIL on the other hand goes with the "if it was good enough for me" thing and both of her kids go to public school,,,needless to say, I won't allow my children around hers because of the attitudes and language (which is strange because she says she can't discipline them because it hurts her to bad)
    Try other options, most private schools offer scholarships to pay for them.

    Answer by southernstyle88 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • if parents were called everytime a one kid pushed another at SD's school would need a lot more phone lines. i think its ridiculous you are getting a call over that. the teacher took care of school. does she do it at other places than school? acting up i mean?

    what are the behavior plans do they have at school? at our school district they have behavior cards that go home each week, they have different levels of consequences. so she may have gotten a mark for pushing and then gotten a more serious consequence for the continued attitude.

    i would try have talks with her yourself. but i would be asking her what is going on... is she feeling okay? does she like school? what she likes? what she doesn't like? etc. try putting her inthe situation of the offendee. ask her what she thinks the school should do when she acts up? aske what she thinks you should do when the school calls? etc.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I agree, I think I would try a different counselor. Also, if at all possible, I would see if there was a way that she could be transferred to another school. NOT that this is the schools fault or anything like that. Just that, if she's been having problems all these yrs at school, and she's fine now at home, maybe it's sort of like the other kids (and maybe even the staff) sort of expect the worst from her (because that's what she's done all these yrs), so she (being a kid) does just that - she acts up and acts out. Sort of like the kid version of that old saying "if I'm gonna have the name, I'm gonna play the game..."

    Maybe if you could talk to the school and to her counselor about it, she could be transferred to another school in your district and given sort of a "fresh start" with new kids, new staff, etc - ones that don't know the old, "problem" her, where she can be just another new kid, starting fresh.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • My thoughts are what are these girls doing to her? I'm sure they are not innocent. A different counselor is a must. Why would you not feel the love for your dd anymore. MAybe that's why?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I kind of have a similar problem with my son. He does have a mouth and will stand up for himself no matter what. So, the teachers at the middle school are looking for any excuse to get him in trouble. That, and i think he has a auditory sensory issue. He loves being in detention. He gets his work done in 30 minutes or less in detntion, but, can't concentrate in class. LOL We are excited for him to go to high school. Maybe he can start over there. The teachers won't already expect his mouth.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:16 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If I were you I'd be weighing options about a new counselor, new school, and homeschooling. If homeschooling is not an option (I'm a homeschooler, so of course, I love it), I would definately be giving her a chance to change her peer group. At this point, her classmates probably see her as a problem kid and treat her like it- making it essentually a self-fullfilling prophecy.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 10:24 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • OP here

    Thanks for the helpful advice ladies. I really do appreciate all the help i can get. To answer some of ur questions:
    My dd's teacher called me about my dd pushing the other girl because I told her to keep me informed about all the things my dd does. This is because my dd has been getting into SO MUCH trouble this school yr so I want to know exactly whats happening when it is happening. I've thought of changng counselors but my concern with that is, shes been seeing this person for almost 2 yrs now & i dont want my dd to have to get used to another counselor. That might be an excuse on my part though. She will be changing schools in May of this school yr but im afraid she will continue this behavior at the new school too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • ok i noticed you didnt give a name.i was going to pm you.believe im not bashing dd is being bullied.her bff is also being bullied.i have noticed that there is one common factor.the moms of these girls are also im not saying you are....i am just saying maybe look and see what is going on at she getting this from you???or are you maybe enabling her at this..i also have had a bully child.....i figured i was paying more attention to my other dd than say she is good when you is around.there is a reason for oldest dd had a best friend who was a wolf in sheeps clothing around her mom she did no wrong but get her alone she was hell on wheels.dont take this the wrong way i am trying to help from my experience....good luck...

    Answer by cleo1977 at 11:58 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

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