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Father in law and smoking and need help

Ok my husband is on leave and we are visiting both our families in Florida right now. Well, we have a 7 month old baby and my FIL chain smokes in his house and has 4 german shepherds that they do not clean up after. So his house is very smokey and has alot of pet dander. Every time I go there, I get sick. So my husband asked my FIL if we could meet him and his wife and my SIL at a restaurant. I am afraid of the baby getting sick. She has had congestion since she was born, and the doctor has told me to keep her away from smoke. Anyways, they live an hour and a half from where we are staying. We said we would drive up to see them, just at a restaurant. Well my FIL was very upset and said no. Well now we are going to lunch today and I dont know what to say. I know he is going to say something and I dont want to be arguing. This happened last time we visited and we went to dinner and avoided talking to each other. Help.

 
Sillybillymel

Asked by Sillybillymel at 10:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Heck. YOU get sick yourself every time you go there. If they're surprised you don't want to be in their home, they're stupid.

    You and your husband stick to your guns. If FIL won't play...HE misses out. Sounds like your kids won't be missing out on a thing not seeing him.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:13 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Also, this upset my SIL and she got on the phone yelling at me and telling me I was wrong. She is 17 and lives with my FIL. She does not have any children. I just feel like they have no repect for my family. I thought my FIL would understand. He has 3 kids. He doesnt. I guess I am angry that they wouldnt compromise and are rude and disrespectful when it comes to this. I dont want to fight. How do I tell him respectfull without fighting? I am not a yelling kind of person but I am upset about their behavior. My FIL was upset because he asked my husband to go without me and the baby, and my husband said no.
    Sillybillymel

    Answer by Sillybillymel at 10:59 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Your husband must handle this. If your sister-in-law calls put him on the phone. Refuse to deal with stupidity. It is his family and his problem. Just keep telling yourself that your FIL is being disresptful to your husband and treating hi like a child. Also give him a hug and tell him thanks for his service.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Thanks. I appreciate it.
    Sillybillymel

    Answer by Sillybillymel at 11:06 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • if you had a dr note, that woould be awesome, then it would be on them whether they "love" your little one or not. lol. yo know they love her, but it doesn't really show when they try to put the child in danger because of their own stupid selfish habits.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 11:08 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Tell your husband to handle it. He's the man it's his family he should be a big enough man to stand up for him child. If he's not i would rethink whether he was worth my time. This is just the tip of the iceberg, you're going to have a ton of problems and everyone is going to hate you if he doesn't take care of it and publicly. Trust me been there done that, i'm the bitch of the family but whatever my kids are protected.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • What is it about people that smoke? My mother started smoking at fifty (she bet that she could smoke for a month then quit- she was drunk a lot of that time too) - before she started sucking on the carbon monoxide sticks, my mother did not tolerate smoking at all, and had nothing good to say about those that did.
    now she thinks it's her right to smoke anywhere she pleases, and now she thinks the smoke was never that bad and doesn't care who she exposes to it.

    Smoking must give you amnesia at the very least!

    I hope you work this out! wish I had some good advice! but I do agree with letting your hubby handle it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Thanks. My husband does stand up for me, I just feel like this is alittle ridiculous. I think they should show my husband and I alitle respect. We dont feel comfortable, and I dont see why this is even an issue. I would never make another family feel uncomfortable, if they didnt feel comfortable in my house, I would be fine going somewhere else (We rent a tiny house), because it is their family and their decision. I dont know. It upsets me when they are on the phone and they say we know its not you that has the problem, Kevin. (my husband) My husband is quiet and nonconfrontational. He did stand up for me with his dad, it just upsets me because it puts my husband in the middle. And I do think the doctor note is good idea, I feel like I should not have to provide a doctors note with family. But I could if I wanted to. (Medical records at home) Thank you all so much for responding.
    Sillybillymel

    Answer by Sillybillymel at 11:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I had the same issue with my FIL. I just told him flat out that my kids' health was very important to me and I didn't want them having asthma attacks, PERIOD. I let him know that I respected his right to smoke and that he should have more interest in his grandchildren's health than to want them to be in a situation where they could become ill. I tried to be as nice as possible, but there are some things you HAVE to put your foot down about.
    Luvmylilmonkies

    Answer by Luvmylilmonkies at 12:32 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Thanks everyone. Yeah I went to lunch and he basically told me that I was being disrespectful by not wanting to go into his house. I tried to explain it, but what are you going to do? But I did apologize to him, for being disrespectful, honestly for the sake of my husband. My FIL is not in good health and I dont want my husband to miss out time with him because he is a jerk. I know it doesnt make sense, I just dont want to punish my husband for his dad.
    Sillybillymel

    Answer by Sillybillymel at 5:32 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

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